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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Really sad and lonely tonight

22 replies

25bucksandacracker · 05/05/2019 20:57

Hi all,
I'm a long time reader but first time poster. I'm 35 and single - haven't had a relationship that's lasted over 6 months since I was about 28. My friends are getting married and having babies (I really want a kid too), and my best friend who was single too now has a partner and doesn't really see me much any more. I feel like I've been searching for love for a long time now.

What tipped me over the edge: I had what I thought was a totally great first date with a guy on wednesday, but despite him agreeing to meet up again I've not heard from him since Friday. Not even a text!! I know I sound like a needy loser and I feel like one!! It's just I get so lonely at the weekends - I have lots of friends but they're often busy with other things. I have no one I can phone and I just feel like a waste of space that nobody wants. I guess I'm just looking for some supportive words!! Fed up watching Netflix and sniffing into a hanky!!

OP posts:

Figure8 · 05/05/2019 21:02

I'm not sure I have anything to add- just that I really believe that good things will come.

In the meantime.... join a club? Take a class? Maybe give yourself a break from thinking about a partner, and think about doing things that make you happy, and to expand your friendship circle.

LateMumma · 05/05/2019 21:02

I didn't want to read and run. It takes time to find someone and it's not something that you can plan. Hope it happens soon OP

Original poster

25bucksandacracker · 05/05/2019 21:11

Thank you both so much for responding, it's really nice to get some supportive words. I have recently started a new activity and I'm meeting new people but I think it sometimes just gets on top of me! Especially weekend evenings when I feel like nobody remembers I exist! I just want a cuddle on the sofa like most of my friends get to have. Sorry for moaning!

OP posts:

BendyLikeBeckham · 05/05/2019 21:12

Get yourself over to The Dating Thread for loads of advice and support, including ways in which to not let it get you down, not to overinvest in dates, and how to filter out the time wasters, ghosters and twats.

In the meantime, make sure you make your own happiness, and don't rely on being in a relationship to feel that.

Join Meet up and find a local book club, walking group, whatever you fancy interest group, to expand your social life generally and avoid lonely nights in.

Beat of luck.

BendyLikeBeckham · 05/05/2019 21:13

X post. I see you have joined a group already!

Also have you thought about joining a community choir? You usually don't have to sing well and it's fun and uplifting!

MissyPG · 05/05/2019 21:18

Same as PP, don’t want to read and run. Glad you’re taking up a new activity. I had years in my mid twenties when I moved cities and a relationship broke down and I was just lost. Try if you can to find a routine, get out as much as you can etc. Chin up, I always believe it’ll all be ok in the end if it’s not ok it’s not the end

Original poster

25bucksandacracker · 05/05/2019 21:18

Bendy yes I am in a choir already 😂
I've been mostly single for a long time so I do get out and keep busy. It's more that some nights the sad lonely feelings are there and I would love to be loved by someone. I know I need to just keep going but moments like this are tough! Thank you for the helpful words, you're all spot on and I need to remember to give myself good things x

OP posts:

Original poster

25bucksandacracker · 05/05/2019 21:21

@MissyPG thank you! X

OP posts:

Dieu · 05/05/2019 21:21

I think you sound lovely! And please don't let one arsehole put you off dating; there are some decent men out there. Good luck

Original poster

25bucksandacracker · 05/05/2019 21:25

Thank you so much @Dieu - it's so lovely to hear some kind words!!

OP posts:

tomtom1999xx · 05/05/2019 21:29

You sound so lovely op. too lovely to be sad, so no more of this ok, chin up
FWIW, I have 2 friends who didn’t meet their partners until they were in their early 40’s, both very happy.
You’re young with so much to look forward to.
All the very best

Original poster

25bucksandacracker · 05/05/2019 21:36

Thank you @TomTom that's so lovely x

OP posts:

Snowfalling · 05/05/2019 21:46

I'm a single mum op and really feel your pain. I'm thankful for my child every day. However I really crave adult company and conversation especially in the evenings. Today has been especially hard, I've really felt I missed out so much in terms of good sex. My life's been plagued with loneliness. I really miss intimacy having a loving partner.

So sorry to hear you're feeling like this. I really hope you go on to meet a lovely partner and have the children you so long for.

Sending you hugs and strength x

Original poster

25bucksandacracker · 05/05/2019 21:54

@Snowfalling thank you, I hope so too!

I agree evenings are tough and I do miss cuddles and intimacy - sometimes I have dreams about just getting a cuddle from an attractive man 🙄 pretty pg stuff!!!

I hope you find someone wonderful too - I read an amazing book called It's Not You by Sara Eckel - I recommend it if you're feeling the single blues!! X

OP posts:

Snowfalling · 05/05/2019 22:20

Lol. I hear you wrt to the cuddles from an attractive man! I think I'd be pathetically grateful for that. Or even if Attractive Man made me a cup of tea!! Pg indeed.

Thanks for the book recommendation. I'll definitely take a look. I've been sad and lonely for too long.

churchgate · 05/05/2019 22:56

Sending love and hugs. It will happen for you op

Macca84 · 05/05/2019 23:01

OP it could be much worse! I turn 35 next month, was single from 28 to 30 - then I had a 3 year relationship with a guy who was abusive, lied and cheated through our relationship, and is still to this day doing his very best to make my life hell to the point I've had the police involved. I do pick em 😂 I'm sat alone tonight like most other nights as I'm too afraid and untrusting to get involved with anyone. So you're not alone in being alone, if that makes any sense!

Original poster

25bucksandacracker · 06/05/2019 09:36

Macca84 I'm so sorry to hear that. I realise I'm so fortunate in lots of ways - that's why I feel so bad for getting so down about it! Sending you lots of good thoughts and strength and well done for getting out. I hope you get your trust back - it does take time. X

Churchgate thank you that's so nice xx

OP posts:

churchgate · 18/05/2019 20:51

Hope you're enjoying your Saturday evening xx

Ferfeckssake · 19/05/2019 00:39

I am married .And have a lot of responsibility and people in my life. And have never felt as lonely as I do now.
It sucks

ALovingSpirit · 19/05/2019 07:32

Buy a PlayStation 4 Pro, gigantic TV (at least 55” and HDR10) and a copy of Unchartered 10. Loose yourself in that glorious adventure.

Worked for me.

The other thing to remember, and I wish I had told myself this, and some point you will be married and have children. It’ll be a slog at times. Don’t be so unhappy about being single. You will honestly look back at this time sometimes with fond eyes.

TheRoadBeneathMyFeet · 19/05/2019 07:41

I hear you and feel the same. I’m 36 and on my own after a divorce. Evenings and weekends can be hard especially if your friends are all coupled up like mine. I haven’t got the confidence to date at the moment.

Clubs and activities only help to a certain extent and at the end of the day you are going home alone whilst everyone else goes back to their families.

It can be difficult. Sending you positive vibes.

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