Hi, first time poster but been on here for a long time.
Not even sure why I’ve decided to post now to be honest! Guess I’ve just read so much support from people and good advice that I think I just want to write a few things down.
Not even sure I’m posting in the right place as it’s a mix of things really, my relationship is great but I’m not sure my head is. By that I mean that I need help but don’t know why I can’t just ask people and I keep too much inside. I’m always the strong one, I’m always the one that’s makes it ok. And I just soldier on. And, that’s been ok for most of my life, it is what it is.
But I’m struggling with being strong for too long, I have fertility issues that mean we need ivf and we start that very soon. Chances are very low as I have one follicle and low amh. My DH is a father from first marriage but very much wants a child with me. I’m 40 so it’s not looking great.
My DH is very supportive but he has MH issues and the last few years have been hard, I talk but I don’t fully open up and I know I should. I just can’t, I say so much then it’s ok and carry on.
Work has been stressful which probably hasn’t help conceive and I drink at the weekends to make myself feel better. I just feel I’m in a different life sometimes and I’ll get back to what should be a normal life but it keeps going on. I have 2 best friends but one is abroad and I don’t see that often anymore and the other we catch up but I can’t fall apart.
I think that’s what the problem is I can’t just let go and get it all out, I can’t fall apart as I’m scared I can’t pull myself back together again.
So, I feel like I can’t burden my husband with the full feelings, and I don’t have anyone else close enough anymore but I know my friends would want me to talk the circumstances are never right.
Maybe I just need some therapy on life and dealing with ivf and the keep going factor. I think I’m depressed and anxious but haven’t admitted it. Just keep going and going but sat here now thinking something has to change. What do I do?