I cook , u clean ??

[Ruthless13]

Right apology for the long rant.
I have been with my Boyf for a year, in that time we have broken up once. I enjoy cooking and don't mind doing all the cooking however I do feel like he should do the cleaning.
I feel like I am constantly nagging him to clean.
he needs coaxing and coddling to do it so much it is often easier for me just to do it.
It's his flat that we stay in, however, so can I really tell him to tidy his own flat??? Honestly, I feel like his mum.

What should i do?

Get your own flat.

If you want to. Ook, then cook. Then don't clean. Then go home.
If he doesn't clean them between visits I'd say its not gonna work long term.

If you mean you full time live together then I'd be saying you need a fair and even rota else it isn't going to work and you'll look for your own place.

Do not have a baby with him

Why did you break up before? About the same issues?

He must have fed and tidied up after himself before you moved in. Why would you do it all now? A man you feel you have to coax and coddle who behaves like a child can’t be very attractive. Here, we both cook and clean, as we both eat food and don’t want to live in a shit hole.

He probably doesn’t enjoy cleaning like you enjoy cooking. We all have different standards of tidiness and cleanliness. So you need to discuss what is right for you both and who does it. You should not have to coax or coddle and if you do resentment will grow.

If you cannot find a way to live together in mutual respect with compromise then it’s not worth it. Things will just get worse unless you pay for a cleaner for ever.

If you live together, you share chores. I wouldn't get more deeply involved with him unless you can come to a fair arrangement.

Do you pay towards bills? Why do you feel like you have no right to expect him to clean up?

he needs coaxing and coddling to do it so much it is often easier for me just to do it

Oh dear.. this is a tactic employed by lazy fuckers to ensure they do nothing..
"Oh. It you're just better at it than me, best you do it"

Prepare yourself for 2 futures:

1. you stay and nag but ultimately do everything whilst he laughs internally at you. You can hope for change, but it won't come.
2. you leave and find an adult to have a relationship with and not a child in a grown ups body.

Which you choose, is up to you. Good luck.

Why don’t you alternate?

Let’s be honest, cooking isn’t difficult and is enjoyable, whilst cleaning is mind numbingly dull

It's not a great start to a relationship is it? The difference in housekeeping standards will always come up. DH and I are quite similar in our expectations but even so, we still have little niggles that irritate the other.

Does he appreciate the cooking? In his defence, i'd be a bit fed up having to always wash every pot and utensil, when i'd have been happy with a jacket potato.

To be fair, all the cooking vs all the cleaning doesn’t sound like a great deal for him.

You need to share all the chores, not just do the ones you enjoy (unless of course one of you actually enjoys cleaning - it doesn’t sound like he does and I can’t say I blame him).

I agree I cannot expect him to do all the cleaning.
I think a rota may be the best option.
we share the cost of groceries etc.

This cleanliness issue stems from his parents. I was horrified when I visited his family home! I am not a clean freak in any way shape or form, however, tables piled double height with loose paper and 100s of used toilet roll cardboard everywhere, dog hair everywhere, stepping over rubbish to get from the kitchen to living room.

He is an adult and as such does not need a rota. Do not infantalise him.

He is the child of hoarders. Do not under estimate either the effects of this on him.

And what monkeytoes wrote re your future with this man as well. It does not bode well for you.