Am I doing something wrong?

[onemoresmartie]

I go on a different date a couple of times a month, chat for a little while before and then meet up.....

Last night I met a guy we got on great but he didn't try and even touch me or flirt once..

All my friends say I'm attractive but maybe I give off that F off vibe to men

How can I be more approachable but not too much

Dating is becoming soul destroying when I feel like this

I normally do coffee dates first, it was his idea and I just went with it thinking it would be less awkward. Never again

I am going on a dinner date 3 on Wednesday with a guy I quite like so hopefully that will go better

What's your gut feeling? I usually have a gut feeling on someone's attraction - did he compliment how you look?

One of my last dates really didn't fancy me - the body language was off and he seemed reluctant to take up more space when we sat together

Ohh just read your last updates about staying over. No, is the obvious answer. He probably hoped for a cheeky shag but if it was like that then forget it

You don't have to say anything

My gut feeling is that he didn't find me attractive but it's given me quite a knock
I've recently lost 2.5 stone...I got more attention and felt more attractive when I was heavier

He didn't compliment once on how I looked or anything...just awkward

He might have been trying to be respectful--he knew you were drunk and didn't want to take advantage. He was likely taking his cue from you.

Doubt he would have slept with you if he didn't fancy you at least.

Was he attractive? The fact that he booked the room and even stayed there but then didn't do anything just makes him sound confused to me. Maybe he felt too unattractive to make a move? Sounds llike you will never find out, but I wouldn't assume the worst.

I don't think he was massively attractive but smart....I tend to go for personality more but liked his dress sense on tinder lol
Sounds very shallow doesn't it

Even if he thought you were nice and physically attractive, that doesn't mean he has to hop straight into bed with you to prove it. Maybe he's not got that much of a sex drive, maybe he's got performance anxiety, maybe he wasn't mentally prepared. Maybe he didn't fancy you that much; you don't fancy every single man you go on a date with, do you?

No I suooose not....it's just we had been talking for weeks it just feels like a massive waste of time and effort to now not talk again
I just don't know where I go wrong

It sounds like an odd situation OP- staying over on a first date gives it a weird hinky vibe before you'd even started.

I'm sure there's nothing wrong with you OP but you do sound a bit over eager to meet someone. I met DH through online dating and I'd recommend not having protracted online or telephone conversations before you meet someone as you never know what the chemistry is like until you do. I had the ultimate humiliation of a guy saying that I didn't look like my profile photo- it was flattering but not photoshoppeddidn't have it in my dating days or untrue. At the end of the evening- yes reader I stayed for more- he thanked me for an unusual date.

When I met DH it was just easy. We had lunch and he asked to see me again and arranged a follow up date at the end and the rest is history. Maybe d as others suggest and build up your hobbies and you may meet someone through that. Also throw yourself into enjoying your single life - book adventurous holidays - sods law is that on e you're happy by yourself you'll attract others.

Have you tried the tactic of meeting in person quickly? I found that suited me much better - saves you getting invested beforehand, it can all be very casual. I know many people prefer the method of getting to know one another and then meeting, but maybe you could try a different approach?

In any case, lots of people date literally dozens of men before they find one they gel with, so it's not you.

OP you haven't done anything wrong, nothing, but you can't conjure chemistry. Maybe it simply wasn't there, but he enjoyed your company, or perhaps felt bad at not feeling the chemistry and that's why he kept rejecting your offers to leave. Anyway, it doesn't matter why really, it just didn't happen, and it just is that way sometimes! Maybe if you need closure, just send him a text, I think I probably would, there's no harm in it. Either way, nothing wrong with you, put it down to experience.

Oh my goodness, please be careful OP - speaking as someone who also likes a drink and has ended up in some vulnerable situations as a result (something I’m trying to address), you’re putting yourself at such huge risk. I was raped in a very similar situation.

Just 6 weeks ago you posted agonising over your recent ex saying you weren't in a good place mentally. I think you need to take a good long break from dating and focus on yourself and your son for a bit.

Just 6 weeks ago....I am trying to pick myself up and get back out there
Not sure there's anything wrong with that.

And I focus on myself and my son and my job and running a house every day

But the point is that "getting back out there" immediately after what was, for you, clearly a traumatic breakup, isn't a particularly good idea. You say you've been talking to this man "for weeks", you are on dinner date no3 with someone else - there is no need to be so desperate to be in another relationship. It just leads to more bad decisions.

You sound confused ,like you don't know what you want. I've been there myself where you just want to move on and be happy with someone else after a break up but you can't force these things. It happens in time and sometimes you have to be patient for the right person to come along. Dating may make you meet then quicker, but it doesn't have to happen straight away.
Yes get out there and meet people but don't rush into anything before you're 100% sure about the person. Don't meet people for the sake of it, if you see what I mean.

OP where's the fire? I'm on a break from dating right now as I do want to focus on building up other things - friendships, hobbies, time to myself and be in a good head space. I have been that person really desperate for a partner and would go on so many dates.

I have had low self esteem and confidence thanks to a very overbearing and somewhat traumatic childhood. All the men in my past had something very wrong with them but I stuck by and persisted and kept going, making excuses, wearing myself out, waiting, always trying to recapture the pleasure and the giddiness of first meeting.

But two people who feel incomplete will only come together to feast on each other and reinforce their insecurities.

Work on you. Whatever that may mean - therapy, counselling, trying new groups, outings. More activities with your kid.

I would absolutely love to meet a great partner - I don't know if I want kids, but would love healthy and happy companionship. I don't think it will happen when I feel so low and unable to enjoy my time to myself

Thank you 😊