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Original poster

Is it the end?

22 replies

itshotinhere · 05/05/2019 12:09

I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We don't live together. I have 3 kids and he has 1. One of mine, I'll call George, has been diagnosed with some additional needs. ( Autism and ADHD)

We were on holiday recently when an argument blew up between my bf and George. Basically George accidentally hurt his son by throwing a racket in the air and it hit his son on the leg. A small bruise was the result. We all agree it was accidental. My bf then pushed past my son to get to his son and pushed him into the swimming pool on purpose. ( He admits his did it deliberately) George wasn't hurt and was in his swim stuff but still. I'm not happy at all and the bubbling issues I've felt for about 6 months between him and George seem to have boiled over.

So do I end the relationship? My gut feeling is leading me in that direction.

We do have another issue that's popped up lately too which is in a nutshell, that he's fed up of hearing about a particular legal issue I have going on and the time and energy it takes for me. This will end at some point but could be another 6 months.

Views welcome please.

OP posts:
Fonduefrolics · 05/05/2019 12:14

He couldn’t control his temper with a child who had additional needs. This time a swimming pool what will it be next time?

Leave him before it escalates and your child gets hurt.

HollowTalk · 05/05/2019 12:19

My bf then pushed past my son to get to his son and pushed him into the swimming pool on purpose. ( He admits his did it deliberately)

How could you even consider staying with this man?

Original poster
itshotinhere · 05/05/2019 14:21

I have been considering ending it since the holiday. He hasn't seen my son since the holiday. My bf has been minimising the incident and I've been wondering if I overreacted. Useful to get others opinions.

OP posts:
MsDogLady · 05/05/2019 22:50

In my opinion, you are not overreacting. George has autism and ADHD, and as such needs structure and patience. I would not tolerate anyone who lashed out aggressively like this at my child. This man’s behavior was entirely inappropriate, and George will perhaps feel fearful around him.

He also sounds unsupportive of you.

Surely he will soon be your ex-partner.

BettyBrownIsInTown · 05/05/2019 22:57

Oh my god, I would immediately end the relationship. He reacted in a bullish and violent way towards your son. He sounds horrible. Absolutely no doubt that I would end straight way and get this man away from my kids if I were you!

gamerchick · 05/05/2019 23:02

He can't control his temper around a child with SN. You can't let the bairn have this person as a role model. Appalling behaviour.

He can minimise that shit all he wants, you never push someone into a pool when they're not expecting it, that's how broken necks can happen. He's not safe to have around OP.

Purplegecko · 05/05/2019 23:10

I fully understand how hard it is to "just leave", I have been there, but pushing your child would have been breaking point for me. I think you know what you need to do, if you are after the encouragement to leave- here it is. Get out now before it escalates!

MollyYouInDangerGirl · 05/05/2019 23:13

Aside from the obvious that's been mentioned above (him not getting on with your son), you said your gut is leading you to end the relationship - always follow your gut! Flowers x

SnowsInWater · 05/05/2019 23:42

Your main job in life is to protect your son, please do not stay with a man who can behave like this to him.

KOBr · 05/05/2019 23:57

Christ OP! LTB

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/05/2019 00:01

If you stay with him - after he did that - then you’re betraying your son.

Horsemenoftheaclopalypse · 06/05/2019 02:08

My bf then pushed past my son to get to his son and pushed him into the swimming pool on purpose.

HOW are you still speaking to let alone sleeping with this man????

Seriously.... what are you thinking???

Of course you should dump him
your poor child Angry

Knitclubchatter · 06/05/2019 02:22

Most relationships with children who have special needs don’t usually survive.
You need to shelter your son, you and this fellow will have to part ways.

Aquamarine1029 · 06/05/2019 02:43

Is it the end?

I certainly hope so. It's rather shocking that you would think otherwise.

ShinyShoe · 06/05/2019 06:21

Protect your son and leave this man. What he did is awful :(

PBobs · 06/05/2019 06:33

The fact that your child has SN is neither here nor there I'm afraid. This behaviour isn't acceptable from any adult towards any child.

CupoTeap · 06/05/2019 06:35

How would this ever get better?

kbPOW · 06/05/2019 06:37

You are severely under-reacting OP.

category12 · 06/05/2019 06:39

Ditch him.

MollyButton · 06/05/2019 06:40

The fact your son has SN is irrelevant. It would be the end if anyone deliberately pushed my child into a swimming pool because they were angry.
And my children are mainly adults with good swimming abilities. (Pushing in in fun might be okay if both sides saw it that way)

I suggest you dump and then get help to find out why you under-reacted. You do need to find your inner tiger both before forming a new relationship and to be a mother of a child with SN.

LuckyLou7 · 06/05/2019 06:41

Leave him. Your child is the most important person in all of this. The man sounds like a nasty childish bully.

ThinkOfAWittyNameLater · 06/05/2019 07:32

The fact that your child has SN is neither here nor there I'm afraid. This behaviour isn't acceptable from any adult towards any child.

100%

You don't live together. You must be financially independent of him. Ditch him ASAP.

You already sensed a problem.
He clearly demonstrated his complete lack of respect for your child and then CONFIRMED it.
Get rid - probe to your children that they're the most important people in your life. And then free yourself up to focus on dealing with your legal issue.

Why are you doubting yourself?!

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