Partner refuses to spend time with my family

[Melanie1811]

My family came from Poland for this week. They are staying with my sister and her boyfriend. We are doing a lot of trips - legoland, Brighton,...my partner only saw my family yesterday for 1 hour and he is off work today and tomorrow so will be home watching football ...I feel so miserable as I had to make excuse that he is working so my family understands why he is not with us This weekend. My sisters partner is so involved. I explained yesterday that I understand it’s not what he loves to do but if he could do it for me. He still refuses. Am I right to be upset? Anyone has a partner like this?

Depends on the circumstances of how long you’ve been together, does he have any reasons for not wanting to spend time with them (previous arguments) or is he just avoiding them for no obvious reason?

Based on the information you’ve said, I’d be v annoyed and wouldn’t expect the relationship to be going much further.

We are together 4years have 2 year old son. They never spend much time together. My partner is a little bit “socially awkward” so I know he doesn’t like being around new people... but my family is not coming often - only once in the past and we’ve been to Poland once (the only time he saw my family)...my family likes him / never had any arguments or anything...

I was assuming less involved so sorry!

I’d be asking him to push himself for you, if he’s anxious then he needs to face this rather than avoid the situations.

I'm not into family gatherings. He's shown his face, does he really need to see them more?

I think it is really rude and I would be majorly pissed off.

It's not like he arrives home every day and finds them sitting at his kitchen table.

If he has met them once he doesn't know and they him.

I wouldn't treat my partner like that or disregard his family and I wouldn't expect them to do that to mine.

Maybe try and compromise with him? My partner can be socially awkward but I find that when he pushes himself to socialise with my family, he feels a lot better about doing it again. I really think your partner needs to pay attention to how this is making you feel.

Maybe say to him that you don't expect him to socialise lots but that every now and again when it is important to you, he could make the effort even if he finds it a bit uncomfortable.
Out of curiosity, what is your relationship with his family like? If he expects you to spend time with them then he needs to support you and spend time with your family especially seeing as they have come from Poland and its not very often.

Good luck :)

Is there a language barrier?

Even if there is, I think he should make more of an effort - christ, going to Legoland and walking round Brighton isn't like being shut into a room making awkward conversation for hours.

It is a crucial part of the football season so I would be staying home rather than going to legoland or Brighton on a busy bank holiday weekend - that sounds like hell. He has seen them just doesn't see the need to be with them constantly. You do your thing let him do his.

In that situation my whole male family would be watching the football. Well at least one match per day. Except for DP who hates it 🤗

But yes I would have words. Then get on with a good day out as your parents want to see you and the kid, not him so much. Let him do his thing now but expect him to do dinner tonight.