Husband means all the time

[Redfronts]

Been together 15 yrs with three kids.
He’s just mean all the time. Always negative about everything, and constantly telling me to shut up or go away. Slamming things etc He’s making life pretty unbearable. When I ask why he’s being so mean he tells me to go away.
I haven’t done anything to warrant this behaviour. It’s really making me quite low.

Well why are you still with him? Serious question. What on earth do you get out of this relationship? And what kind of behaviour is he modelling for your children?

I just confronted him why he’s so mean and he said he doesn’t know. He’s just unhappy. He said we don’t do anything anymore , and I said that because you’re so mean to me all the time.
I’ve told him I think we should split up. Now sat here in tears.

Sorry to hear this.
How long has he been like this?
Do you have dc?

Is there anything about the relationship you want to salvage?

Maybe you need to talk to each other. Find out if there's anything to rescue.

I’ve tried to talk to him. He never wants to talk, and when he does he just gives answers I want to hear. All he seems to care about is how he feels

He’s just seen me crying and said oh for gods sake

What was his response when you said you should split up?

@Iliveinsalemalot he just said right ok then and walked out. I then said I was going to my mums and he said I was being over dramatic

You could try meditation (counselling?), but failing that or if it doesn't work, I'd be looking to split. I'd rather be on my own than with someone and be so unhappy.

He would never try mediation. I actually keep dreaming about being in my own place with the kids, which I find it quite weird

You really need to get through to him how unhappy you are and are seriously about split.
If he wants to work at it, great. Go and try some counselling and have a chat about what you need from each other and generally.
If he doesn’t, then there’s no point wasting any more of your precious time to be made to feel miserable.

It sounds awful. How old are your kids?
I hope you mum can offer you some support.

Him being mean is obviously awful for you but it must be awful for the kids too.

Yeah I completely agree. Just hard because I do not work as I’m full time carer for our disabled son, who doesn’t start school until next September. I can’t work until then.

My kids are 3,5 and 8. My youngest has cerebral palsy and he’s been to one appt. I do it all on my own. Which I do resent him for. I can’t work until next year and he needs a lot of Physio to get him to a point of independence for school.

I think i remember a bit of your previous thread.. men always act cold when they're hurting. Give it time and try and talk things through, if he knows you're serious about breaking up he might open up to you to try and save your relationship.

men always act cold when they're hurting

What an absolute load of bollocks. No, men don’t do this.

Yeah I’m going to wait until kids are asleep tonight and approach him again

Do the two of you get time to go out on your own? I’ve been with oh 24 years his parents would have the kids for us to go out occasionally one would even taxi us to the restaurant and back.but they died 5 years ago. The negative impact is unreal and yes in case anyone is wondering we’ve dabbled in babysitters but paying for them and taxis is so much before paying for the evening itself it’s not worth it as we feel under pressure to have a good time to make it worth while and that pressure inevitably does the opposite

For your own sanity, leave him. He's horrible and not even trying to change his ways. You announce you think you need to split and he sees you crying and is rude a d dismissive.

Sounds like he dies sweet fuck all to help you anyway.

I hope you find the strength to leave. Is this how you want to feel the rest of your life? If not, make plans now to end this and get on with your life with your kids.

You sound like you'd benefit from counselling. I wish you the best!!

What about writing everything down before you speak to him to get your thoughts in order. Try and work out what you want him to do and what you want to happen. Just telling him he is mean to you and that you aren't happy isn't going to achieve anything. You need a plan. Another argument isn't going to do anything other than upset everyone.

It sounds like the plan should be a plan to leave him and if that's the case then is there a point in talking with him? You might be better working out a long term plan.

I have an 18-year old with severe cerebral palsy and I couldn't tolerate life with a mean partner like him! You either need to be teaming up together or as a single parent with support!

How you doing lass?