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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Hes been on pof and tinder..

39 replies

Rosielee93 · 04/05/2019 23:41

Heres a bit of back story..

Been together 3 years have 1 young child together and rent a house together.

We have had our ups and down but no history of cheating worst ive seen is him looking up female celebrities online. Ive never ever found anything that would suggest hes cheated until today. I look on his phone ( i know i shouldnt but i can't help it. I wont be replying to any comments about this ) again never found anything on there until tonight i looked at his app history his latest searches are pof and tinder and his most recent deleted app is pof (plenty of fish) then further down the list is tinder. Hes had 3 phone changes since we met so i know its not an old search or old app. And also the 3rd thing he searched on the app store is the nectar card app which is something i know hes downloaded in last few months so this all just be recent.

I know i sound crazy and paranoid but i suppose if you keep looking you will eventually find something. Im not sure what to do. I know he will go crazy if i find out ive been on his phone.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rosielee93 · 05/05/2019 18:48

Ive just confronted him about it and he said he downloaded them about a month ago when we had a big argument and he stayed at his dads. He said he didnt even go on them just downloaded them in anger then deleted them.

OP posts:

LuckyLou7 · 05/05/2019 18:54

If he's a good man, let it go. Does he behave impulsively when he's angry?

Original poster

Rosielee93 · 05/05/2019 19:46

Im not sure tbh. I dont know what to think. Hes apolgised and said he was ashamed he even thought about it but he doesn't seem that remorseful.

OP posts:

category12 · 05/05/2019 19:50

What's the background to you not trusting him to the point of regularly checking his phone?

Original poster

Rosielee93 · 05/05/2019 21:43

He lied about something 2 years ago and I've never gotten over it.

OP posts:

MyKingdomForBrie · 05/05/2019 21:59

Well @AtrociousCircumstance because I'd read the OP so I didn't need to ask, given that she specified no history of cheating or any suspicious signs at all on his phone. The worst thing he'd done was look at female celebrities. So I didn't need to ask that did I.

leomama81 · 05/05/2019 22:29

Brie she said "I look on his phone again" in the present tense recounting the current story, not "I look on his phone" ie always. You may have read the OP, but not very thoroughly and pretty presumptuously it seems. From that post, she could have looked once before and seen the celebrities come up on their computer from the drop down on a search bar. Yet you accuse OP of thinking all men are terrible...

JuniFora · 05/05/2019 22:55

Stop snooping. If you can't trust him then don't be with him. It's not healthy and if you're always distrustful then when the temptation arises to cheat, he'll think "sure she thinks I'm doing it anyway so why not".

Nobody is going to be trustworthy to someone they know doesn't trust them.

MsDogLady · 06/05/2019 00:36

He is a proven liar and you can’t get past it. Now, after an argument, his first inclination is to download dating/hook-up sites. He may or may not have actually gone on them. He apologized but doesn’t seem very remorseful.

I would end things. He lies and, at the least, considers cheating when things get tough.

category12 · 06/05/2019 06:31

Op, him going on dating sites "because you had a row" , is saying anytime the going gets tough in your relationship, he'll look elsewhere. Which is no way to live.

It's also no way to live, unable to trust your partner, policing them and checking up on them. It does bad things to your mental health.

MyKingdomForBrie · 07/05/2019 07:34

No @leomama81 she said 'I look on his phone' and 'again never found anything on there' as in no suspicious behaviour and never found anything on his phone. You have to read the OP in the straight forward and plain English way it is written, not chop out some brackets to try and make it fit your interpretation. Also later on she clarified she's been checking his phone for two years.

You're adding the assumptions, not me.

category12 · 07/05/2019 08:54

Mykingdomforbrie, Can I point out in her last post just up there ^, Op said He lied about something 2 years ago and I've never gotten over it.

Original poster

Rosielee93 · 07/05/2019 09:09

No @mykingdomforbrie i said he lied 2 years ago, i have not been checking his phone for 2 years.

OP posts:

hellsbellsmelons · 07/05/2019 13:03

If he's absolutely nothing to hide ask to see his phone.
Go into Settings, battery - at the bottom you'll see 'battery usage'
You can usually look at last 24 hours or the last 7 days.
That will tell you what apps he has been on most.
If he has nothing to hide there is no reason why he won't hand over his phone.
Even if he thinks he's been clever, this will tell you what you need to know.

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