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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Unhappy in marriage- thoughts

7 replies

Dippers · 04/05/2019 22:05

I’ve written a snapshot of the behaviour of my husband which has been repetitive throughout my marriage. Now after reading threads on here I wonder if it’s emotional abuse? First paragraphs couple of examples then description of an event out with family.

Wouldn’t open eyes when I’m asking him a question about a kids club as tired. Was annoyed daughter wanted to open card day before birthday. Will say ‘this place is a shit hole’ and start cleaning furiously, creating atmosphere. Will actually wind down window and shout at driver in front (if too slow) in car park.

Before this in Berlin wouldn’t let me post pictures on Facebook in case people saw we’re away but then posts on his...

I suggest going into Berlin Wall museum and he refuses - it’s not worth the money, it’s 10 per person Leigh! Sits down sulking so kids unsure what to do. I breezily try to change the mood and say to kids (not looking at him) well I’m going who’s coming with me? Can see their worried about if their dad will get more angry. Tone of voice aggressive not suggestive. We all go in because I have said going in anyway.

Queue next evening - about to go out for dinner and he tells son to take his sunglasses off. ‘You don’t need them’ even though we have still each got ours on. Says again to son. I say you can wear them if you want. Tells me to shut up in the corridor. Walk to lift in silence. Son already has put glasses back to keep peace. Go down to find restaurant feeling like going to cry/feel humiliated. He’s in bad mood. Stop at corner where he says pointedly to me ‘so where are we going then?’ As my last decision taken away from me I darent say wrong thing. Thankfully daughter said ‘there’s a pizza place down here we looked at yesterday ‘ his not looking at me /speaking to me continues until next morning when he says sorry for saying shut up trying to cuddle me. I turn away and say we’ll talk when we get back home.

OP posts:
poglets · 04/05/2019 22:11

'Tells me to shut up in the corridor. Walk to lift in silence. Son already has put glasses back to keep peace. '

You know he is a nasty bully. Your son already knows and is adapting his behavior to minimize it.
Put your kids' first and leave him. It will ruin their childhood if you stay together.

HollowTalk · 04/05/2019 22:14

God, hes horrible. You know your DC will be glad if you separate, don't you?

deadsexy · 04/05/2019 22:18

^^ this

C0untDucku1a · 04/05/2019 22:18

He is appalling. Free your children. Leave him.

NeatFreakMama · 04/05/2019 22:22

He sounds moody and unpleasant, I don’t think it needs labeling as emotional abuse, but I’m sure others will disagree. People can be shitty sometimes, we all can. It depends if he’s like this all the time or you’re just pulling examples out that are rare.

FuriousVexation · 04/05/2019 22:33

Thankfully daughter said ‘there’s a pizza place down here we looked at yesterday

Your DD is already learning to placate men to keep the peace.

Can you imagine the anxiety she was feeling?

peachgreen · 04/05/2019 22:37

Your husband doesn't have to be emotionally abusive for you to be allowed to leave him. You can leave him because you're unhappy. That's enough of a reason.

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