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Original poster

Cheated on and don't know whether to forgive

18 replies

Stardust21 · 04/05/2019 21:43

So on monday i fount out my partner of 7 years who i share 3 beautiful kids all under 4 years of age with has cheated on me. He cheated on me with a woman his had another child with before we got together ( they were never in a proper relationship bit got pregnant). He has also only started recently seeing the kid again and has never had a good relationship with the mum before.
He claims its because she gave him all the compliments and flirt that i dont give him anymore and his head and dick were swayed.
Since then he has been nothing but cold with me, has left me for couple of days and says he needs time to think about whether he can continue being with me. Like is he serious he should be begging me not to leave him.
I feel like im just waiting for him to come back..one min im sad the next angry. Should i kick him out or should i stay and try to forgive for the kids. Will i always be alone? Will he ever change? Will he do it again. Im so lost

OP posts:
WifOfBif · 04/05/2019 21:44

Kick him out. He has treated you appallingly and if you forgive him he’ll do it again. He’s laying the blame at your feet and showing no remorse at all, you deserve so much better x

Figgygal · 04/05/2019 21:45

Of course you should kick him out he sounds like a total piece of shit

Stiffasaboard · 04/05/2019 21:45

You have to ask?
Read your OP

frenchonion · 04/05/2019 21:48

Fuck that! Tell him to get to fuck. Does he expect you to sit at home wringing your hands, hoping that he chooses you?! Nah mate. You're worth more than that. You'll be okay with the DC I promise.

BurtTyrannosaurusMacklin · 04/05/2019 21:48

Honestly, I can't even understand why you would be thinking of staying with him. You are worth so much more than his bullshit. He doesn't even sound sorry. Kick him out and don't look back, being on your own forever would be better than being with someone who disrespects you like that (not that I believe you'd be alone forever!)

Bunbunbunny · 04/05/2019 21:52

Do not do the pick me dance

Original poster
Stardust21 · 04/05/2019 21:56

Thanks for the messages i know your all right but im so scared. My whole body is in shock and my confidence has taken a blow. I mean he couldn't have done it with the most vile girl ever. And his obviously going to see her again cause of the other kid. Just keep looking at my 3 and my heart breaks for them. My youngest turns 1 next week. X

OP posts:
thethoughtfox · 04/05/2019 21:57

You can't forgive someone who isn't even showing you he is sorry.

thethoughtfox · 04/05/2019 21:58

This is someone who will be in his life forever. No-one could live with that.

1WayOrAnother · 04/05/2019 22:02

What a weak self-absorbed man he is. Do you really want to be with him? You're in a difficult position given the ages of your children. You could put off leaving him for a couple of years & in the meantime see if this behaviour continues. Depends if you can stand to have him around. I'd take some time to think about it, there's no rush. Put your own needs first, he has.

Hecateh · 04/05/2019 22:03

If this was a one off and he was very repentant then I can see a reason for the question - and even then the answer isn't clear.

In this situation the answer is much clearer.

If you beg him to come back he WILL cheat again the first time he gets the chance.
Get out now.
There is no reason being single at any age means being single forever BUT clearly, the younger you are the ore time there is available for finding someone who cares about you and treats you with the respect you deserve. This guy will never do that. Taking him back now (even if he was repentant) gives him the belief that he can do what he wants, when he wants and that you will just 'suck it up'

user1481840227 · 04/05/2019 22:08

Vile girl for Vile man then, he sounds absolutely horrible! Why didn't he see his other child up until recently?

Yes you should kick him out.
No, you should not forgive for the kids sake.
No, you won't be alone forever
No he won't change
Yes he probably will do it again.

He sounds awful and you deserve so much better. How dare he be cold to you and treat you like that after he shocked your world!!

MsDogLady · 04/05/2019 23:00

What a nasty, low-down character. He cheats and dares to blame you. Treats you with contempt and shows no remorse.

He needs time to think? That’s rich. Tell him to stay gone. Tell him that you need time to think about what you want.

If you let him come back, he WILL cheat again. Do you really want to live with constant anxiety and uncertainty?

Alfiemoon1 · 05/05/2019 11:24

You can’t forgive him as he isn’t even sorry he’s gaslighting trying to blame you.

pissedonatrain · 05/05/2019 11:29

Pack up his stuff and put it out and tell him you've made the decision for him.

He can fuck right off.

AsleepAllDay · 05/05/2019 11:30

There's nothing to forgive. Once he knows you 'forgive' him he will take it as tacit endorsing of what he has done. He will know that he can get away with it. And things that fly under the radar - emotional affairs etc, will be even more tempting for him

AsleepAllDay · 05/05/2019 11:34

And it's not worth it for 'the kids.' They will intuit the coldness and poor relationship between you. Meanwhile he will be just dying for an excuse to go and sleep with someone else. You will be knowing all of this and feeling miserable. This will affect your babies

At least with him out of the house, you will have peace and your own space. Your kids are young so they will adjust and probably forget a lot of it. The pain will pass and you will get stronger. You won't have the constant fear, paranoia and waiting for him to do it again

ChristmasFluff · 05/05/2019 11:50

I'm echoing all that others have said. He isn't sorry, and has blamed you for the affair by saying you didn't give him enough attention. Rather than blaming his own lack of moral fibre - if he was unhappy, he could have told you and suggested counselling etc, or could have ended your relationship to seek his happiness elsewhere.

He chose to cheat on you. He is choosing to then treat you horribly - and I really believe that now he has amply shown you who he is, you should take away his choice in this matter by ending it. Him not begging you to try again is showing you he has no love, care, or respect for you.

If you take him back, he will make your life a misery, because he then knows he can cheat on you and walk all over you, treat you abysmally in every way, and you will forgive him 'for the children'

That is not doing your children any good at all. Your relationship sounds horrible, he sounds horrible, and please, don't consider forgiving him.

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