Recent NC. This is the kind of thread I would think 'LTB!!!' but... ugh I don't know, it's different when it's yourself I guess!
Started seeing a guy approx 3 months ago. Both in our twenties but very different places. I have a 3 year old from my previous relationship, own house & car. He still lives with parents, gets taxis/lifts or buses everywhere - none of that bothers me. He had no intention of settling down and wasn't looking for a relationship, neither was I.
I've known him years, we ended up sleeping together a few times drunk in January, it progressed to a relationship and he now stays at my place a couple of nights a week when I don't have my child, though he has already met her in the past when we were just friends.
It's been a few months now and here are a few of the things that are bothering me:
- he sometimes bails on me if he has a better offer e.g. his friends ask him on a night out
- changes/forgets plans easily
- sits on his phone a lot of the time. Nothing suspicious just playing games etc. for an hour at a time.
- even if he knows I'm having a bad day, doesn't ask how I am or call me, just waits for it to pass
- sometimes ignores my messages for hours at a time when I know he's not busy
- didn't get me anything for my birthday a few weeks ago, not even a card
He's meant to be coming round tonight. Went out last night and got home at 8 this morning. Hasn't replied to my messages from around 11 this morning though I know he's been online. It's now 9pm and haven't heard from him, now I'm in on Saturday night with no plans!
I've put up with him for this long because:
- I know he does have real feelings for me, he's never been with anyone in the years I've known him and he does have moments where I do really see how he feels and he says he's sorry for being like this and he does really love me and doesn't want me to leave him. He was the one who progressed out FWB into a relationship, not me.
- I love him. I wish I didn't but I really do. I think being friends first made it really hard to fall into it with him.
- he's been abused in the past, I think maybe because of this he finds it hard to open up. He had a very messed up childhood and upbringing involving his mum's boyfriend beating him up. He's never told anyone about this except me.
- he's never had a serious relationship before so this is all very new to him, he doesnt seem to know exactly what to do and the kind of etiquette of relationships.
I have told him a few times about how his behaviour is affecting me and he said he'll try harder but I haven't seen it yet.
From all that ranting, do I give him another chance to change or just end it? Any advice readily appreciated.