I want him as more than a friend but he isn't over his exW

[Emotionallyunavailablemanbait]

Sorry, a bit long!

I am finally recovering from an abusive relationship with a deeply unpleasant man and felt like I was ready to go online dating (it's really the only place I can meet people at the moment). Slim pickings, most of them are just after sex and are obviously dickheads.

Met someone different. He is a bit shy but lovely, charming, sweet, kind, and we have a lot in common including history with exes. We start a relationship but then about a week ago he abruptly ends things saying he isn't over his exW and needs more time as he isn't ready to move on yet. Fair enough, I appreciate him telling me this so as to not string me along. He was very nice about it all, said he does miss me and have feelings for me he just doesn't feel right being in a relationship when he still loves his exW. We have agreed to still stay friends and still see each other as such. He says he wants to move on and be happy with me but feels like he can't yet.

Wtf do I do now?! Our relationship was only brief but I am absolutely gutted because I really felt like we could have had a future together. He was so different from all the men I've known before. He really understands my past and I his. Feel like it's a case of right person, wrong timing. I want to stay in his life because I feel like if he could get to a place where he is ready we could have a real shot at something good.

I have no interest in 'getting back out there' and meeting someone else. I don't want to pine over him but I kinda am and I hate feeling like this all over again. Saw him again for the first time yesterday and it was fine, we hugged but I wanted so much more. I could see it in his eyes when he looked at me that he did too. But I can't make him be ready if he isn't and it's painful for me wanting him and knowing I can't have him. Should I just cut contact and walk away? Or should I stick around and see what happens?

Maybe it's all just a fucking line anyway and I just can't see it. Maybe I've been duped by yet ANOTHER arsehole who says one thing but does another and just isn't that into me.

Ffs why do I even bother

Well the thought had crossed my mind Wine. We shall see but if it takes years I won't be waiting around for him. I have a life too.

@Madamedeluxe yes I have. It was fine and I enjoyed seeing him but I just wanted more when I hugged him goodbye.

I think that's just the excuse he's using rather than saying he's not interested. He's trying not to hurt your feelings. If he was interested in you, he'd be with you. He's probably got another date lined up already.

What is the point is being his friend when you want more and you met on a dating site? He is definitely stringing you along, and possibly other women. The friendship would probably be very one sided as well, all about supporting him.

I would say try and be friends if you want more friends and neither of you fancied one another. Sometimes someome youre technically compatible with doesnt light any fires but can be a great friend.

But you do want more. So avoid like the plague. There are other people you can make friends with. Getting over the romantic feelings whilst seeing him will be difficult. Hoe would you feel in a couple of months time if he (as friends) started telling you about some dates he had been on?

The problem is even if he is being honest about why he doesnt want things to progress, by the time he is ready, he may not see you "like that" any more so dont assume he will come back even at that stage.