I've been in a relationship with someone for almost a year.
I really want it to work but his actions appear to speak louder than words and I don't want to be wasting time (and involving my children with someone that isn't going to be around).
We're both divorced with children, mine fulltime, his weekends.
He says he sees us as long-term and talks of selling-up in the future and buying a house together. However, he's still in his old marital home, first ever home bought around twenty years ago and I just can't see him doing this.
We have no plans - see each other week-to-week. Nothing more, he talks of things in the future but no plans but has plans made this year with his children and parents (which I expect, yet also now expect plans with us).
He's said he loves me, I do him. Although I find him set in his ways and quite lazy which I don't like in a person. Then other times he can be good fun when not talking of how tired he is.
There's no obvious huge issues but I just can't see long-term with him and unsure if it's fear on my part or a correct 'sense' /feeling.
He was married for over ten years and has since had relationships which have lasted a year or so.
I don't want to end-up being another person he's with for just a year or two.
I find him interesting to talk to and how we message throughout the day. From good morning to good night (and would really miss this). He's intelligent, I find him so attractive and we have the same sex drive.
We're both early 40s and I've realised I want to marry again -him (eventually) although he's unsure if he would ever remarry but says he wants to live together -which he talks about but I can't see it happening and worry I'm just 'filling in his time' for now.
Our children have been introduced to each other and children have met each other. All good (different ages, his are secondary age, mine primary).
I just need a crystal ball as to if it will work or not :)
I'm very conscious of wasting time especially as older and have young children. I wasted too long in a marriage and although it ended years ago, have only dated. This is the first relationship since (I just didn't meet anyone I wanted a relationship with). At first I thought I just wanted to date, then wanted to have a relationship but since meeting him realise I want a proper relationship again, leading to living together and marrying.
Rather than blindly go along I want to think of timelines. What should I expect soon, two years etc. How long is reasonable to wait to buy together, plans to marry etc.
It's so different now, before I wanted marriage and children so looked for someone that wanted the same and it was discussed early on and plans made. Now children and divorced, there's not the urgency yet I want this and unsure how it works now, when things have badly previously, how long should you wait. I've just not had this uncertainty before with not knowing if it's something the other person really means and when they want it to happen.
We both have careers and work fulltime, if this is relevant and own our houses. Same area but different towns but within ten miles of each other.