Pissed off

[LeftFootIn]

Today DH mentions in passing that he is working on Monday (self employed but office job, not tradesman). No question about what are our plans for the weekend or shall we do xyz. I point out that it's a bank holiday, hadn't he realised? (yes he had, apparently). So not only is he choosing to work rather than spend time with the family, he will also have the car, meaning my options for doing anything with the kids are limited.
When I ask didn't he want to do something with the family (we don't do much as a family unless I suggest and organise it), he offered to find another day to do his work but then asked 'but do you have something planned, what do you want to do?' WTF! Do I have to organise everything!!

DH never organises or even suggests any family activities, it's always left to me, something we've discussed many times. But today the penny has dropped, he really isn't interested in the family. And he obviously thinks it's my job to organise everyone and everything. Well fuck that.

Sorry for the rant. It's been a bit of an eye opener and I'm feeling sad about it.

Is his office/company open as usual on Monday? If so, all being well I'd expect him t work.

But all isn't well isnt it?

Don;t let these children live under the terror of this man's grip.

‘Don’t let these children live under the terror of this man’s grip’- blimey that’s a bit harsh just based on the OP

Tbf OP yes he may have been wrong to just arrange to work a bank hol without discussion but when you brought it up it sounds like he was happy to rearrange and do something if you had a plan in mind.

You don’t mention him being rude, defensive or argumentative when you brought it up.

He is presumably trying to provide financially for the whole family- do you also work?

I can totally get you feel hurt he isn’t prioritising a lovely BH at home or with you all- but some people just don’t get it

What is the context to why this is so upsetting?

Tell him to go to work but he'll be leaving the car. There's nothing worse than a man with a face on at an activity you've planned even though they never suggest anything.

I used to work bank holidays if we had no plans. It paid well and gave me a day back. It also seemed like a good use of the day if I didn't have plans!

Talk to him.

From the OP I also think you need to have a conversation. What he's doing wouldn't upset me, he's working for the family. He offered to work another day. Maybe you are tired of a repeat of circumstances that we don't get from just one post. If he's otherwise a good husband why don't you try "What shall we do on the bank holiday?" and decide together, or if there is something you would like to do just suggest that.

Is he just trying to earn extra money so you can stay home with the children?

Have a look in the local press, and online, and organise something quickly!

Tbh, it usually is the woman who makes the arrangements for family entertainment. I don't mind. I decide on where we go on holiday, I book it and do the planning. I prefer it that way, then at least I get to do what I want to do. Likewise days out, visits to rellies (including HIS dd's). It works for us.

Or could do you earn enough to take care of you all op??

Sorry I should have said. He's self employed, works from home or his his office that he lets. He is in charge of his own time and won't earn any money for working on Monday. I'm the main breadwinner (was the sole breadwinner for a long time) he's been trying to get his business going for far too long. It's his main focus in life.
I'm fed up of being the only one that keeps the family afloat, and that he never, and I'm not exaggerating, offers any input into weekend activities that involve anyone else but himself. I don't see why it should always be my responsibility to instigate things, I'm not his secretary, we are supposed to a family. I feel like he gets all the benefits without contributing to the effort. If he'd said I need to do some work this weekend but also want to do something together, how about xyz, fair enough.
We have discussed it many times, nothing changes. For me it's the fact that his default thinking is 'extra day this weekend, I'll work' rather than 'I'd like to do something with my family'. It is how he is and I think for me I've just realised that he actually isn't bothered about spending time together.

How far away is his office? Could you drop him off and go out in the car?

He's meeting his business partner 1.5hrs away. I was going to suggest we went with him and do something locally but there isn't much to do there that would entertain a 6 year old or justify the trip and it was at that point I thought 'what am I doing?! This is crazy.'

I’d drop the bastard off and let him find his own way home

Ruru thank you that has made me snort out loud!

I know a grown up conversation is the way to go with this but it just really made me cross (and sad in equal measure) and I have no one else to rant too. Not helped by a friend rearranging a coffee because her husband is keen to be out with the family for the day (he'd normally be playing sport that day).

I’d be pissed off too in your situation.

You do need to talk to him.
I’d start by telling him you need the car on Monday and then that you need a proper chat about how upset and angry you are re his lack of interest in family life.

Doesn't sound like he's working - meeting his business partner 1.5hrs away so they can earn no money isn't working. He's off for a jolly.

I would be very pissed off too op.

In his defence... There have already been lots of bank holidays recently which have impacted on working time. Is his work paying the bills? If so - cut him some slack. If his work doesn't contribute financially to your family you have more reason to be annoyed. As for the car - ask him to meet at his office so you can have the car for the day. As for men organising stuff....a massive generalisation but they are rubbish. My OH is taking our boys out this weekend - one on a cinema trip and one on a trip to a computer place.....13 years it's taken to get to this point....he won't leave town.... won't go somewhere new...when he has attempted (with prompting) to arrange a day out with us and his brothers family he planned to meet at a venue which was a 2.5 hour drive for all of us....he doesn't do the driving!!!

Let him read what you posted at 7.05. He needs to step up.

LeftFootIn I felt like a f**king Butlins redcoat for many years. Or Bambi's mother when he asks, "What are we doing today, mother?" I know exactly how you feel

Why is he finding it so difficult to make a decent living with his business? How long has he been trying? Is his business partner actually any good?

I ask because I’m wondering why, if the business isn’t working out, he doesn’t get a job instead.

How much longer is he going to keep trying with his business? Does he have criteria and a timescale for making that decision?

You don’t have to tell me the answers to all these questions, just make sure you know what the answers are yourself.

I worry about you getting increasingly frustrated with him, and that wouldn’t be good for any of you.