Why would my ex

[Why2]

whom I am not on speaking terms with, tell the dc that I can come on the holiday he is booking for them if I want. He told them this more than once.

I guess only my ex knows.

It’s doing my head in a bit. Maybe this was his intention.

*unless you have very good reason about not talking

Him giving me the silent treatment repeatedly and for weeks and weeks at a time is one of the major reasons the divorce happened, so of course now he won’t engage. I send him logistical texts about the kids but he doesn’t respond to a single one - ever.

The second one left the room calling me a cretin

Were they angry at you for not wanting to go?

I’d say to the kids (knowing he’ll never respond) that I’ve messaged him to ask. Then you can just say he never responded. I’d bet he’ trying to make you the bad guy. By messaging him you’ve put the onus back on him.

I wouldn’t go if it did come down to it.

It’s up to you then to be clear about your boundaries now you are divorced if their father won’t do that with you. Explain to the children that now you are divorced you and their father have separate lives. This means that you don’t go on holiday. Be clear and firm that this is normal. It is their time with their father and they should go and have a good time.

If they get angry or upset, accept that this is just an immediate reaction to how things have changed. In the long run they will understand that this is for the best.

Confusing them with a happy family holiday would be worse in the long run. And playing tit for tat with their hopes is not good for them either. Shut it down and your children will respect this in the long run. They won’t respect being in the middle of games or an ill defined relationship.

I agree with those saying he is trying to make himself the good guy and you the baddie.

Why did your child call you a cretin? It's an appalling thing to say. I hope you don't just let that slide.

Were they angry at you for not wanting to go?

No, I don’t know what she was thinking. It is quite often like that with her.

Anyway I have told the youngest that I sent ex a message and that he hasn’t responded, and I am going on to leave it at that. I agree that the whole thing is not nice for the dc, or for me!

Why did your child call you a cretin?

Because I don’t think she really understands the meaning of some of the things she says.

going to

I agree with those saying he is trying to make himself the good guy and you the baddie.

Why though. It’s so pointless since we are already divorced.

Because a leopard does not change its spots.

You are divorced for a reason. If he was a nice, reasonable and decent man, I am guessing you would still be married.

OP it is not only reasonable but healthy to tell your children you are not going on holiday with your ex. It is not a point of negotiation and nothing you should apologise for or need to explain any further. Just say it is not a good idea just like putting your hand in a fire is not a good idea.

I could list a whole host of reasons as to why it came about. But you need to stop giving it headspace beyond thinking it a ridiculous idea. His thought process is no longer your concern. It does not matter.

Deal with your daughter calling you a cretin. Because that matters as she is in your life and shouldn't call anyone that least of all her mother.