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Original poster

Husband not telling me about large purchases

35 replies

Flyer04 · 03/05/2019 10:01

First time posting... but have no one to ask. I don't know what to do.

My marriage is not in a good place and I know my husband is not telling me the truth about certain things. One being about spending. We are barely making ends meet and last year, and I saw he bought 4 tickets to a show that I know we could not afford (then or now) - The envelope the tickets arrived in was open and I was home to receive the post, so I had a peak... I kept quiet about it thinking maybe it was a surprise... the show is tomorrow and I have ask him repeatedly if he had plans tomorrow or if he was meeting friends... and he tells me nothing. Either he's forgotten about this purchase or what ever plans he had fell through. I really want to confront him, but not sure how to do it... I really pains me that he spends that kind of money when we don't have extra money to spend of those luxuries. And I know he has lied to me before about other things... our marriage is strained as it is, and I feel these lies/not being open about money is putting more strain on our relationship... (among other things that I wont get into now) - So do I confront him? if so how?

OP posts:
JustHereWithPopcorn · 03/05/2019 11:02

I would confront him now - if the show is tomorrow you either want to go or sell them so the money is not wasted.

Woowee · 03/05/2019 11:06

If they were expensive tickets then chances are he’s not forgotten about them

Is your marriage so strained he couple possibly be taking someone else?

I would wait and see what happens tomorrow night and then confront him then

NotStayingIn · 03/05/2019 11:25

Is the show something you would see? Do you have two children? Could the tickets be a surprise for you all? Or for you two and a couple you are friends with? If yes do ask him straight up as otherwise its a waste of money.

But if you don't think it's for your family I would say nothing more and see what happens tomorrow night and then confront him.

Original poster
Flyer04 · 03/05/2019 11:43

I would like to confront him now as we need the money if he can sell them on. But sort of want to wait to see if he will say anything...

I have asked him if there were any plans for tomorrow and he's said no. Just asked him again now... still no plans. We only have one child whom is only 2 so definitely not a family outing. And the show is something I would never go see - and he knows that.

I feel so nervous to confront him tho. He wont hurt me, it's just the thought of him doing this that makes me upset and angry at the same time. And sort of know what he'll say ("oh, I forgot!")

OP posts:
YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 03/05/2019 11:45

Very strange behaviour from your DH.

GummyGoddess · 03/05/2019 11:47

Could he have bought them for a friend and they repaid in cash which he has spent?

foreverhanging · 03/05/2019 11:53

I wouldn't wait. I'd have to say something

Original poster
Flyer04 · 03/05/2019 12:05

Thought is could have been for friends or siblings, but they are still in his bedside drawer...

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 03/05/2019 12:07

I would take a photo of them, OP. You never know when you might need it.

Could you say a mutual friend has asked you both to dinner? (You can always "cancel" later.) If he plans to go out he won't want to double book.

Original poster
Flyer04 · 03/05/2019 12:17

I already took photos... thinking I might send the photos to him and ask if he forgot something...

Can't do the friend dinner invite as we don't have any close by... and I don't have childcare cover, so it would be tricky to convince.

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 03/05/2019 12:23

I wouldn't give him the warning. It sounds as though you couldn't go anyway/wouldn't want to go so he clearly didn't buy them for you and him. I would ask things like, "Fancy a takeaway tomorrow night?" etc to see whether he remembers/says anything but other than that I'd just sit and wait it out.

HollowTalk · 03/05/2019 12:24

Is there something in his drawer that you might need tonight, so that you could ask him for it (eg nail clippers, that sort of thing) and he'll be forced to see it? See whether he mentions the tickets?

OVienna · 03/05/2019 12:27

Could he have been defrauded?

GummyGoddess · 03/05/2019 12:28

Just talk to him, you still have a chance to sell them and recoup some money if you do it now. I suppose you could just sell them without speaking to him but that would cause a larger argument.

YesimstillwatchingNetflix · 03/05/2019 12:39

I find it a bit bizarre that you haven't just asked him. What else is going on in your relationship that you don't feel like that's a fair and straight forward question to ask a spouse?

HollowTalk · 03/05/2019 13:01

How could he have been defrauded? The tickets are in his bedside cabinet!

Original poster
Flyer04 · 03/05/2019 13:04

@YesimstillwatchingNetflix I agree its bizarre I haven't asked, but I want to trust him and as I said I thought it would be a surprise... but as we don't have childcare planned
Also, we clearly have money problems. He has mounting cc debts and they don't seem to get smaller... I have asked him about this and truth be told he has never given me an honest answer, and I feel I can't I push it.

Straight forward as it may be, he is keeping things from me... I worry this is the tip of the iceberg...

OP posts:
GemmeFatale · 03/05/2019 13:08

Could you move the tickets?

HollowTalk · 03/05/2019 13:08

Friends or siblings would surely have bought their own tickets. Why would they ask him to? And why wouldn't have been in touch for them by now? That doesn't make sense.

MsSquiz · 03/05/2019 13:11

Could they have been a gift from someone? Parents or siblings? Maybe as a surprise for you, and his parents have agreed to babysit?
Did you check the bank account to see if he had paid for them?

UCOinanOCG · 03/05/2019 13:11

Sounds very odd. If they are in his bedside drawer and easily visible he must know they are there. Has it been your birthday recently or anniversary or a family member having a significant birthday? I would be upfront about it today and tell him you know the tickets are there.

Original poster
Flyer04 · 03/05/2019 13:32

Thank you everyone... I will ask him today. Its a lot of money to see wasted.

It's definitely not a birthday present or anniversary present and we don't live near any family that could babysit... it is very frustrating and annoying.

The tickets were bought with his credit card. I can't see what he spends his money on. He can be quite secretive and touchy about that...

OP posts:
Sexnotgender · 03/05/2019 13:35

That’s very weird.

Secretive and touchy are not great in a marriage Sad

SavingSpaces2019 · 03/05/2019 13:35

i hope you're keeping your income/finances separate from him?

Original poster
Flyer04 · 03/05/2019 14:00

@SavingSpaces2019 - yes I have a personal account and we have a shared one for home expenses. Last year before I went back full-time to work (was working part-time since DC was 6 months) I asked him if our finances were ok and he said yes - I trusted him then... not so much any more :(

OP posts:
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