Sulking DP

[damned]

Those of you with sensitive DP/DH's who are prone to sulking how do you cope with their moods? Do you try to placate them or just leave them to get over it themselves?

It feels like my DP is constantly upset and moody with me lately over such minor things (I often never find out what these things are) and I just don't know what to do. When I try to be kind and do nice things for him it just gets over looked, then the second he feels like I've wronged him he'll get in a night long sulk and just expect me to figure out what's wrong and know how to rectify it.

For example he got in a mood with me Tuesday, I think because I wasn't in the mood for sex but he wouldn't actually tell me. That lasted all night and then he went to work weds morning for 5 days. I told him I would travel to see him today as it's my day off, he told me not to bother. Today comes and he's now angry with me again because I didn't go I see him even though he told me not too! His excuse was I knew he was in a bad mood Tuesday and shouldn't have believed him when he said he didn't want me to see him today. It's becoming fucking exhausting. I feel like I can do no right at the moment.

He sounds like a total wanker. Sorry to be harsh but he does! It's actually a form of abuse you know...psychological abuse and an attempt to control you.

Have you got children with him? Own a home? If not....get shot of him. You're worth more.

If you really value the relationship then suggest counselling or it's over. See if he sulks then.

Sulking, stonewalling and gaslighting... time to go OP. More red flags than a Communist tea party.

Whatever you do it will always be the wrong thing. So he expected you to think "Oh he must not be serious about not seeing me, I should go over there and sweet talk him into a good mood." But if you'd actually done that, he'd now be angry that you didn't listen to what he said. You cannot win with this man.

To be honest he sounds like a self-centred prat. Sorry but I’d just leave him to get over himself. Be calm and breezy and ignore his toddler tactics.

Or kick him out

I never tolerated a sulking child, never mind a sulking grown man. You are wasting your life with this arsehole. He is a controlling, manipulative bully.

It's emotional abuse.

Placate him/don't placate him. It won't make a difference because it's not you it's him.

He will drain you dry and drag you down if you stay with him Long term. You will get to the point where you don't know up from down. It's a LTB from me without doubt.

He sounds very passive aggressive, like he can't / won't articulate how he feels.

I'd tell him each time to use his words or you'll ignore him until he does.

You shouldn't have to parent and adult and if you are then stop. Saying you should have known he has in a strop is stupid and childish. Treat him as an adult and he either steps up and engages as one or you call it a day. I have found myself parenting a lot of adults and through therapy I have stopped. Its actually quite fascinating to see what happens! Stop playing the game. If he's in a strop pretend not to notice.

If you enjoy being an emotional punchbag, then he's the man for you!

Otherwise you really need to ditch the twat. He's going to make you miserable because he likes being "a victim" and will make up shit to ensure you're always the bad guy. Fuck that noise.

Also gets in a mood about sex - very bad sign. 🚩 🚩 🚩 🚩

He sounds like a knob
The answer is don't tolerate it, dump him

The first time anyone sulks, I tell them I am leaving them to it until they sort themselves out and they can contact me when/if they have. It gives the the benefit of the doubt that they were poorly parented and genuinely think this is how to behave (and experience will have taught them it works, because people pander to it)

The second time I dump. Sulking is learned behaviour, and I'm not hanging around for someone who won't unlearn it.

I'm massively grateful to the long-ago boyfriend who showed me by his actions that my sulking was unacceptable

I wouldn't have the patience for this. Tell him it needs to stop or you're gone! Gaslighting isn't an option.

No children but we've just bought a house together which neither of us would be able to afford alone, so leaving isn't an easy option right now

I felt so desperately alone and sad last night and messaged him something quite extreme which would cause most people to worry and he hasn't checked if I'm ok, in fact he's completely ignored me. This is a man who two weeks ago said he would die for me. I just don't understand.

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

What did you learn about relationships when you were growing up?.

He will continue to make you feel desperately alone and sad if you stay with him. All this man cares about really is his own self and getting his needs met. You cannot stay with him simply because you've now bought a house together.

A sulk is a reaction to feelings of being rejected where, instead of getting openly angry or talking about the problem, the sulker retaliates with moody silences or monosyllabic replies designed as a punishment. It is closely associated with envy and a desire to destroy the contentment of the other person.

The object of the sulk is to force the other person to make the first attempt at patching things up so that the sulker can then reject them, thus extracting revenge. After what is considered an acceptable period of time, depending upon the gravity of the perceived misdemeanour, the sulker accepts reparation.

Sulking is another form of emotional abuse, his sulking behaviour towards you is learnt behaviour and the responsibility for his sulking is all his. Its absolutely not yours to own or otherwise fix for him. Its certainly not done to you because he is sensitive (what gave you that idea?); its being used as a control mechanism. A very high percentage of abusers use this tactic against their target.

It is exhausting.
Walk away now and save yourself a lot of misery.

Don't fall into the sunk costs fallacy, OP. It may not be easy, but reversing things here (despite difficulties, practical and emotional) is far far easier than further down the road. You never get those years back that you spend on the wrong person, the answer isn't to keep putting more in.

I'm sorry you're feeling so low. Please speak to the Samaritans if you need to.

A relationship shouldn't be this hard, it shouldn't bring you down, it shouldn't feel like everything you do is wrong, walking on eggshells, trying to predict his reactions because he's "sensitive". What you've described is emotional abuse.

I had one of these. It escalated from the odd mood (no one can be deliriously happy all the time), to every other day. Accusing me of doing things to deliberately upset him, verbally lashing out, then being vile to me in front of his friends. I was bewildered, you can’t love someone out of their self hatred. It manifests into abusive behaviour as nothing you do is right and you feel scared of having any conversations. I’m sorry, it’s horrible.

Have you actually completed? As you clearly haven't moved in yet.

If you haven't FOR GODS SAKE DONT.