Miserable relationship and trapped

[Ohhellothereladyface]

I’m trapped, completely trapped in a miserable, loveless relationship.
I can’t go anywhere as I have nowhere to go. Can’t sell my house as OH has destroyed it (literally derelict) and he has zero motivation to put it back together. If we sold it now it would be at a massive loss.
I’m a SAHM so no income of my own any more.
DD is almost 2 and my only sunshine in a very bleak existence.
I know this all sounds very dramatic but it’s the honest truth and where else can I say it.
How do I carry on? How do I have any kind of happiness?
I try to ignore his behaviour, the constant put downs and the way he will literally lie in bed or on the sofa on every day off he has, then act surprised when I appear exasperated when he has the absolute nerve to criticise me when I’ve been up since 6 usually with DD and am the only one doing anything round the house, making any meals, looking after DD. He’s the only one who works though so he throws that in my face daily. I try to focus on me and DD, and block him out but it’s so hard on days like today where he has several days off and is a constant negative presence.
I know people will say “LTB” etc but it’s really not that easy with no money, nowhere else to go, we share DD, and if this is how much he hates me now how much would he hate me if I moved out with DD.
I guess I’m just venting here really, and wondering if anyone else has been/is in a similar situation and has any advice on how to cope?

Mmmm...

Chink of light OP . Did you say it was your house?

It’s both of our house, we own it together.

But if you are a SAHM then you're not "sharing" your child, are you? It sounds as though he's too lazy to do anything with your child. If you split up he might shout about 50-50 residence, but he certainly wouldn't want it.

Why is your house in such a bad state? What exactly does he do? Is there anything you can do to improve it?

He moves out. It is the right thing to do. Hold on to that.

Deep breath.... when I got pregnant he began “renovating” but what actually happened was the house needed 109 times more work than he realised and he basically got completely overwhelmed and downed tools and left it as bare brick upstairs (no rooms in use now) and we are camped out in the dining room! With DD! We had no bathroom for absolutely ages and had to shower at my parents house (I bathed DD in a travel bath each night in the lounge) but at least we now have a working bath.
So that, in summary, is what he did to the house!
If I complain, he shouts abuse at me. If I try to calmly say I know it’s stressful but we can’t live like this, he gets shitty and shifts blame to me for being the one who suggested viewing the house when we were first looking to buy (7yrs ago!!!!)

Does he earn enough to pay someone to do work? Can you possibly go back to work?

Perhaps he feels overwhelmed by the house and is struggling to know where to begin. It sounds like the project got bigger and bigger. Have you considered handing it back and renting. This will give you some sense of normality and time to focus on what you both want.

No, unfortunately we can’t afford to pay a professional. Plus he’s spent so much money on tools to do it!!!!
One of the main reasons I didn’t go back to work after my mat leave was that I would literally be working to pay for childcare, so if I went back to work it wouldn’t make us any better off financially.
We have discussed renting a flat etc but we would seriously struggle to pay our mortgage plus the rent/bills of another property.

I’m completely in the same position as you...
I have two children, one 3 and the other is 1. I have been with my partner 5 years and I’m miserable. I work full time, he is meant to give me money every week to help pay for bills including childcare which he doesn’t. He doesn’t contribute financially or physically. He says he’s ‘too tired’ after work so goes straight to sleep on the settee. At weekends he’s normally hungover. I’m only 23 and feel like I’m having a breakdown. It’s easier said than done to get him to leave. I just don’t know what to do. I’m exhausted and really struggling day to day and looking at him lounging about makes me hate him.

Same position here too. Don't know what to do. My baby's about to turn 1 and we aren't married but have no income or anyone I can go to

Can you move a mattress upstairs and live in the rooms upstairs? You say there is nothing there - but you just need space for a mattress and storage for your clothes.

If he kicks off at you, tell him you don’t respect him because he hasn’t finished what he was meant to do.

You need to remove yourself from his presence. He doesn’t do anything around the house? Disconnect the tv or the electric so he can’t watch tv. Move yourself upstairs so you don’t have to look at him.

Have the Salvation Army around to visit and show them how you are living and get assistance in the form of food parcels and items from the home. Use any spare money to make your home habitable.

Take some responsibility.

You need to tell him to step up. You need to get a job on weekends so that you are earning money and he is helping with childcare.

Definitely call the Salvation Army and tell them this is coercive control, get assistance from social services. Shame him for the way he is making your family live.