He says if no sex for 2/3 days then there must be a problem.

[FancyMango]

Is this normal? Usually I'd be up for it 2/3 times a week but there has been a few problems in our relationship lately which has caused a bit of negative feeling which has impacting on our sex life. His statement on if we've not had sex for 2/3 days then there must be a problem has put me under immense pressure to keep him happy.

For context, I've got an 18 month old too who isn't sleeping great at the moment, plus a full time job and some other personal issues aside from our relationship. How do I stop feeling under this immense pressure?

I’ve been there too - my ex was horrendously addicted to porn. He wanted sex every day, despite the fact that sex was clearly nowhere near as interesting as porn was, and he had completely destroyed his penis so he couldn’t finish without literally 45 minutes of wanking (himself only).

It had to be the sort of sex he wanted (eg as degrading as humanly possible), and if I wasn’t up for it every single time he asked, I was a frigid bitch. There was something wrong with me apparently, because I didn’t enjoy spending two hours a day with him doing whatever he wanted, including up to an hour where I had to lie there while he finished without making any eye contact with him.

It sounds absolutely ludicrous when I write it out - who would ever stay in a situation like that? Well I did! I’m an intelligent educated woman and he eroded my sense of self so much that I began to believe his version of reality. And it happened so gradually that I barely noticed as little by little he chipped away at my boundaries. I literally forgot that sex could be something I could enjoy. I forgot that real orgasms existed or what they felt like.

I’m not saying things are this bad for you, but him making out you’re weird because you don’t want sex every couple of days with a sulky man child has set all my alarm bells ringing.

@PlinkPlink and @Deathgrip I'm so sorry to hear about your experiences and thank you for the advice.

You're in love with someone who doesn't exist anymore

He sounds like a dick thinking with his dick

@Shoxfordian yes I think I'm coming to that realisation.

Can't do right for doing wrong. I just wish this would all go away. I feel like I'm really suffering mentally.

You can make it go away by ending the relationship
Don't waste your life like this

There’s ways to approach things and he’s got this all wrong. I do actually agree with him but, the way he’s making you feel is so wrong

Baloonphobia
Tell him to fuck off.

^ This. He's a sex pest. You have sex to make him happy, what does he do to make you happy? The stronger they push, the lower your desire to have sex but they are too stupid to understand.

Could have written what you wrote about my ex. It never got better. I didn't want to split but then it impacted everything else and there was no other choice. It's like he's blaming you for not having sex when really he's not looking at ways to improve the situation or being supportive.

@NameChangeNugget what part of him do you agree with?

there has been a few problems in our relationship lately which has caused a bit of negative feeling which has impacting on our sex life
So he is right in thinking that the drop in the amount of sex you've been having is a sign that the relationship is in trouble.

But it's also a sign that your relationship has always been in trouble:
I have told him I've just gone along with it before because I thought it would keep him happy and cause less problems than saying I'm not in the mood and being accused of all the reasons why I don't feel like it.

You were having more sex before because you were letting him coerce you more easily.

Of course he was happier when you were easier to coerce.

I suspect that the whole relationship, from start to end, will look a bit different to you if you get some distance.

I can't understand why you are still in this horrid relationship. Just get out and never look back.

namechangenugget agree with what? That if a woman (even one with a toddler) doesn’t want sex every 2-3 days there’s something wrong with her? Or that the best way to get your wife hot under the collar is to sulk like a teenager who’s not allowed to play with his xbox?

OP is an autonomous human being who’s been used for sex she doesn’t want, and has felt it’s easier to submit to rape (because that’s what sex that you don’t want is) than say no.

What planet are you on?

If he doesn't understand that living with a whining, miserable sod while you are simultaneously sleep-deprived and stressed is having a direct (negative) impact on your sex drive, then he's an idiot.

And honestly, I'm not sure what the answer is, but I think it's perfectly valid to explain that having sex with someone who is miserable all the time isn't exactly a turn on.

The paranoia, bad moods and mistrust must make him irresistible. Show him where the door is.

I am in a similar situation. I don’t even know what to do anymore.

Last September I had our second baby and a couple of months later, a few days after our wedding anniversary actually, I found messages (he made a comment after he had a drunken night out that made me very suspicious so I checked his phone) from him sent to other women including photos and suggestions to meet up. He swears he didn’t meet anyone and he was just lonely but these messages were sent at the end of my pregnancy and even the day my son was born. And on my birthday!
I’ve not felt the same again. I don’t trust him, I don’t feel close to him and he’s totally ruined any remaining confidence and self worth I felt about myself.. just feel like he didn’t value me or anything and I know I was a good wife! I am a good mum and was heavily pregnant and then I discovered this.

Anyway 8 months down the line he complains we don’t have sex (I just don’t really want to with him in all honestly), moans I am not intimate with him in other ways and we just snap at each other a lot. I, again like lots of other comments, was sexually abused as a child so I really lack much interest in sex. I still get the odd flash backs now despite therapy.
I love him, I really do, but I just don’t trust him and it’s made me hate him for it. Maybe I just love the lifestyle and him as a father to my children. Problem is I am terrified of loosing him.
Any other time in our relationship and I found out he was talking to other people I would sit back and reassess what I could be doing wrong, but not when I’m about to give birth, then the following weeks after birth he was messaging people.
He told me he enjoyed the kick and excitement and just felt overwhelmed and a bit lonely as a couple, I want to understand that but I can’t.

What do I do?

OP, are you breastfeeding?

If not, why are you so sleep deprived? He should be doing half of the night wake-ups, and you should both be getting one of the weekend lie-ins.

If you haven't had a good nights' sleep in 18 months, it's no wonder you're not really in the mood.

Any other time in our relationship and I found out he was talking to other people I would sit back and reassess what I could be doing wrong, but not when I’m about to give birth, then the following weeks after birth he was messaging people

Would you? You bloody well shouldn’t! I too am a survivor of child abuse and other sexual assault / rape as an adult. I’ve had prolonged periods where I have not been able to have sex at all, and my DH has never and would never do anything like this. How dare he? It wouldn’t be your fault.

He told me he enjoyed the kick and excitement and just felt overwhelmed and a bit lonely as a couple, I want to understand that but I can’t

Poor baby. It’s so hard when your wife is doing all the physical and emotional labour to have your child. Diddums.

What do I do?
You leave! You deserve better than this. How dare he?! I can’t believe you’ve tolerated this and he had the nerve to make those excuses to you!

Aaaand this is the part when women start to really.get turned off the having to provide a hole for the man to use thing.