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Original poster

Am I right to be annoyed about this?

51 replies

babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 09:05

Hi all
This might be an aibu but as I've posted here before about dp I thought best do it again here.
Dp told me last night that he's taken today off work as holiday to go to our local Magistrates court to see a bloke who lives about 10mins walk away from us get done for being a peadophile.
Dp follows a particular group on social media that catches these people so watched them get this bloke&heard his case is today.we don't know the bloke or anything.we do have a 10yr old dd.
He doesn't know what time this blokes case is he's just going to the court&waiting all day if necessary to see this bloke go down or whatever is going to happen!
If I asked him to take a day off say for my birthday or to take a bank hol Mon off(he works most of them&doesn't get paid any extra for it) he wouldn't!he would flatly refuse!! But it's fine for him to take a days holiday to do this! When I told him this he said I've taken time off to take you to hospital!! I've had hospital appointments for an ongoing condition&I don't drive. He hasn't had to take lots of time off or anything.more often than not they're after he's finished work.Apparently he asked work last week if he could take it off but didn't actually mention it to me til last night saying work said yes yesterday afternoon!
I did say to him well praps I could come then&he said no u can't come you've got to work!I work pt as a lunch break supervisor at our dds school.i said it to spend time with him as much as anything which makes me sound stupid I know!
I just don't get why he wants to go so much!especially waiting there all day if needs be.
I said well what's your plan then as DD needs picking up from school which he usually does as she has something on on a Thurs at 5.15 so he gets her while I stay home&get an early tea on.he said what do u mean what's my plan?? So I explained about DD needing picking up etc& that we won't know if he will bebk in time&he just said well take it that I won't be then&you'll have to do it!
Am I right to be as pissed off as I feel or am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
DontCallMeShitley · 02/05/2019 10:01

I think you can check the list for the courts to see who is 'up' by looking on the website, if you think he has done something and is on trial himself. I have done this in the past but don't know if you can still access it. Or phone the court and ask if someone with his name is on the list today.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 10:02

He's not actually part if the group cherry he just follows them &what they do on FB.
Yes I will have to try talking to him about it which is never very easy to talk to him about anything as he doesn't listen easily&/or gets defensive&turns it bk on me!
We have been having problems for a while.thats what I've posted about before in here.i did actually get him to sit diwn&talk.he wouldn't agree to counselling said we didn't need it.so far nothing much has changed.we are still going out for day trips sometimes as a family but haven't been out in our own as a couple.hes still not anymore demonstrative than he was.its been a couple if months now I guess

OP posts:
BlackPrism · 02/05/2019 10:04

They probably won't let him stay under the sexual offences act. If any child is mentioned then the public have to leave due to sex victims confidentiality.
Additionally, if the offence is serious then it will be passed from Mag to Crown and the offender will be there all of 5 minutes.
If he wants to heckle or boo he will be escorted from the premises. If he films or photographs inside or outside the precinct he will be arrested and charged with contempt.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 10:07

I really don't think it's for him.i think he's got really involved in this group&needs to go.plus this blokes local so he feels all the more need to go.
Yes he might go if it was to support someone he knew well like a family member or something.i could see him doing that.its not like he knows him though!

OP posts:
Badwifey · 02/05/2019 10:07

Could he have maybe had some dealings with this man in the past that maybe you don't know about? Someone earlier asked if he was a scout leader, the man on trial. Is he older than your DH? Could your husband have been a victim in his youth?

A lot of men never tell that they have abused

letsdolunch321 · 02/05/2019 10:11

Bizarre behaviour.

I would NOT be happy with this behaviour

SignedUpJust4This · 02/05/2019 10:13

Some people take an unhealthy interest in these vigilante groups. It seems to be an acceptable outlet for their aggression. I would tell him to snap out of it and unfortunately most paedophiles are never caught and you are more likely to be abused by your own family than the bloke that lives 10mins away. All you can do is educate your children on how to stay safe and be aware of who they are with. He is not the police and it seems like his 'hobby' is more important than you.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 10:25

Badwifey no he's never met the man.i think hes only a couple of years older than us s I can remember.wasnt a scoul leader far as I'm aware.
Yes signedup I think that's what's happening that he's got too involved with this one because he's so local to us.its still weird to me that hes taken the day off work to see it though!yet when I suggestedgoing too he said no you're working! Well he should be working too!if work had said no then he wouldn't have gone he would have worked it I'm sure.

OP posts:
pissedonatrain · 02/05/2019 10:30

It is weird.
Does he belong to a FB vigilante group and they're planning to protest?

Strange he didn't want you to go.

My exDH joined one of those and it was the end of our marriage as he became obsessed with trying to impress this group and had an EA with one of the members.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 10:39

Don't think he actually belongs to the group pissed no just watches the videos they do&follows them.
He's just txt me now to say the blokes pleaded guilty to all 3 counts&has gotta go on trial at Crown court.so I'm guessing he'll be on his way home soon though he hasn't answered my reply txt yet.

OP posts:
Madamedeluxe · 02/05/2019 10:46

Very odd. He could easily ask someone else if he wanted to know or wait till it hits the press. These vigilante groups make me very uncomfortable.

Rabbiting0n · 02/05/2019 10:51

It seems like your problem is him taking the day off for this when he won't take the day off to do things with you (which is fair), but you've posted about this and most people have said it's disturbing and to be vigilant. You seem to be accepting of him being caught up in a group that you insist he isn't actually a member of, (which doesn't make sense to me), and of him possibly having become fixated on vigilantism, but not of how he uses his annual leave. It seems to me that the primary concern here shouldn't be that he wouldn't take your birthday off or go for lunch with you, but that he has such an interest in this kind of thing. Vigilantism is not a good thing, and if he has no personal connection with the man, I can't see why he would need to go (10 minutes drive away, really isn't that local) unless he has a less savoury interest in the subject. Sorry.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 10:54

He's answered now saying he will be on way home soon&that blokes being sentenced at Crown court.
Madame yes I'm sure the group will put it on their FB page or wherever soon as they know! What a watste of a days holiday!!

OP posts:
Eliza9919 · 02/05/2019 11:02

I can't get down there Buttery as I don't drive&it's about an HR to get into town where the court is then u have to walk about half HR to get there from the station.dd finishes school at 3.30

Some courts list the cases and names of the defendants online.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 11:02

Rabbitingon I didn't say it was 10mins drive away.its 10mins walk away.
I don't know why he wanted to go either as I've said other than that the blokes local.
I don't think he is actually a member other than just following their videos of catching these people.he showed me the one of this particular bloke.lots of people seem to watch them as there were LOADS of comments on the video!! So dp isn't alone in doing that.i just feel it's very strange that he wanted to go to court to see what this bloke got! Especially when like I said it'll prob be on the group's page soon as they know! Why take a day off to do this?? Also why not tell me he'd even asked work about taking it off? But then that's nothing too unusual as he's done that before.

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 11:05

Eliza he txt me just now to say the bloke pleaded guilty to all 3 counts&will be sentenced at Crown court.

OP posts:
Singlenotsingle · 02/05/2019 11:06

Sorry I didn't get back to you earlier, OP. (Out walking ddog). I meant is your dp a scoutmaster?) I was a bit worried I might be having unfair suspicions, but I'm not the only one am I?

Eliza9919 · 02/05/2019 11:07

Badwifey Thu 02-May-19 10:07:32
Could he have maybe had some dealings with this man in the past that maybe you don't know about? Someone earlier asked if he was a scout leader, the man on trial. Is he older than your DH? Could your husband have been a victim in his youth?

A lot of men never tell that they have abused

Could they have gone to school or a youth club or something together and something happen then? An abuser doesn't need to be years older.

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 11:11

No single he's not a scoutmaster.
No I'm pretty sure he's never met this man.

OP posts:
Lllot5 · 02/05/2019 11:18

Sounds to me as if he’s getting over invested in this vigilante group.
Not the sort of thing I would want to support but lots do.

perroy · 02/05/2019 11:40

Maybe he was abused as a child

Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 11:41

Yes Llot that's what I'm thinking.just don't get why he wanted to go to court! I've never known anyone before who would do this or want to but like I said there were LOADS of people commenting on the video.

OP posts:
Original poster
babayjane67 · 02/05/2019 11:43

I don't think so perroy.i would hate to think he couldn't confide in me with something like that though I know it's very difficult &alot if victims don't/can't.
I don't think he has though.

OP posts:
Rabbiting0n · 02/05/2019 11:45

But were there LOADS of people at court? Commenting on a video takes a minimal amount of effort. Taking the day off to go to court requires considerably more commitment, and you have to ask why.

Lllot5 · 02/05/2019 12:07

I think we’ve all seen news reports when murderers are sentenced and their are people at court banging on the van and shouting. Must be that sort of thing. Feeling strongly about the case and wanting to see justice done.