Any legal people around? Ex & schools

[Justme1981]

Hi
Keeping this vague as v outing,
I have ds 4/7 nights ex 3/7, its an agreement between us not formal. Ex was challenged in school car park who he was when dropping ds off at preschool. He has now made a formal complaint to school, is refusing to take ds to preschool, wants him to go to a different school, refuses to talk to me about it as too upset. I think they were following their safeguarding policy & he should not have been in the car park. Does anyone know if there is anything i can do? It seems v unfair for ds who enjoys preschool.

How and why do the school not know who his father is if he has him half the week and presumably does drop off/pick up on his days?

It does sound like he is massively over reacting but I can kind of see why he is upset.

Honestly though you can’t force him to take DS to that preschool on his days with him,
Just organise his places on your days and let him sort out his own childcare for his days with him.

Thank you, The preschool is attached but not part of the school, he was parked in the school car park (staff only) it was a teacher from the school hes not seen before who challenged him. I pay for childcare & can't see a good reason to stop it. All advice is appreciated.

I don’t think putting DS in two different pre-schools is a good idea. Poor kid won’t know if he’s coming or going if it’s even allowed.
When you say his dad was challenged, how do you mean?

Now you've said where he was he is massively over-reacting. Surely he doesn't expect every teacher in the school to recognise him? And he was in a place he shouldn't have been.
Not sure what you can do though. You can't make him take ds on his days.
What did the school say in response to his complaint, do you know?

I think he is being selective with the facts.
He shouldn't have been in the staff car park and he knows it.
Of course the teacher was within their rights to challenge him.
This is all about his ego.
I guess this is one of the reasons he is an ex.
What is he going to do? I doubt he will take the time and trouble to find and arrange another pre-school.
If he refuses to do drop offs you will have to make other arrangements, but it sounds as if he is going to be unreliable anyway, so if not over pre=school, it would be something else.

He sounds like he belongs in the pre-school class himself. Tell him that the well-being of your child comes first and you are not going to change pre-schools because he is having a moment!

I would remind him that in the circumstances he described he most definately should have been stopped and questioned. The school were following safe guarding procedures designed to keep pupils safe. Also seeing as you are the one that pays the fees......oh and tell him in future not to use the staff carpark!

This is sod all to do with safeguarding.

Staff car parks are staff only so that staff can park there. Other than occasional permission (like when you have a DC with leg in plaster) can you ever use them.

Would he refuse to take his DS to school if he got a ticket for parking where he was not allowed? Of course not.

He's having a tantrum because he thought the rules didn't apply to him. They do, and there's a lot of school years ahead of him. And he won't be allowed to use the school carpark during any of them.

So, what to do?

It wouid be a great shame to end/reduce contact simply because he didn't park properly. I do not think it wouid be good for DS to be moved from a setting where he is settled simply because his father had a parking incident.

Perhaosmyou should tell him that there's no need to change preschool for parking issues, and if he cannot make the drop offs any more, he needs to do what any parent who cannot do their own drop-offs does, and hire sometime to do them.

Thanks everyone, by challenged him i mean the teacher said what are you doing here? The school are yet to respond to his complaint.
Thank you again

He is ridiculous isn't he.

Well that changes things completely then.

From your op I assumed he had been challenged by the staff because they didn’t recognise him as DS’s parents.
This has nothing to do with the preschool or DS, this is entirely about his inability to park appropriately.

He is being utterly ridiculous, he’s embarrassed he got caught doing the wrong thing and is kicking off.
I can see why he is an ex!

Yes hes ridiculous - any advice what to do?

You know him best.
Do you think he is just tantrumming and blustering?
Will he refuse access in order to avoid preschool drop offs?
Will he keep DS under his care and supervision instead of taking him to preschool?
Will he go to all the effort of researching, applying and paying for a new preschool?
What would his response be if you calmly messaged him to ask what arrangements he plans to make for his agreed contact time going forward?
My gut feeling is that you should make alternative plans to ensure your DS is dropped off to preschool if his father refuses to take responsibility for him. This may mean that access arrangements change, but your ex sounds unhinged and unreliable so the chances are that this would have happened at some point anyway.
Better at this stage than when DS is at primary school and fines for non attendance apply.

Oh - and maybe it would be worth contacting the school and say that you are sorry your ex is causing a problem and you can't control his behaviour. Or words to that effect.

Sorry - just realised you were asking for legal advice.
I am not a legal person at all.
There is a legal board you can post on though.
You will find lots of advice on dealing with this sort of behaviour on the relationships board.
Lone parents doesn't get much traffic.
Sorry you are having to put up with all this.

Thanks for replying @Endoftheline its a nightmare, hes still so angry, reports being demonised, discriminated against... the school havent responded yet so thats not helping. Im undecided whether to contact them or not.

You are not alone.
If you get this moved to relationships there will be wiser women than me to give you good advice.

Thank you, i'll ask for it to be moved, i really appreciate you replying

What an idiot your ex sounds like.

He was somewhere he shouldn't have been, a staff member correctly challenged him on it. He is obviously very entitled if he thinks he can park there - imagine if all the parents did that!

He can throw his toys out of the pram all he likes, it isn't reasonable to expect to move preschool because his ego was dented.

I think you should just carry on as you are and let him bluster. Don't offer to go along with his proposed changes.
Do you have an offer of a school place, or is your son too young yet? If you have an offer to start next term, will ex really start looking into other options?
Has he already stopped taking your son to preschool, or has he just threatened this?

Oh and the custody arrangements are irrelevant. You both should do what's best for your son - sounds like you are, he isn't.

Can you just ignore him until he actually does something other than moan.

Keep bringing your DS to preschool on your days and see what your ex actually does.

Some men really don’t like being told “no”. 🙄
It just destroys their self-value.

Thanks all for replying ds is too young yet for offer of a school place, you are right i should wait & see what he actually does.