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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Such a stupid, cliche situation

9 replies

Sosostupidist · 01/05/2019 17:43

I am a single mum and I work full time. I have a boss who has been very supportive of me for years while I split with my husband. My boss and I are friends, quite close and know each other’s lives well. I have started developing feelings for him because of how kind and good he’s been to me over the last three years. He is also divorced, he and his wife split in 2014 and they have 2 grown up DC.

Two days ago we were at a client dinner and we stayed drinking afterwards and we both confessed we had feelings for each other. He was very drunk. We kissed and he was holding my hand and asking me not to leave and trying very hard to get me to go back to his (to have sex.) I said no we probably needed to not jump into sex so quickly considering our working relationship. He got quite upset about this and I assume, took it as a rejection. In the end he accepted it and was telling me lots of romantic stuff about how he accepts me as I am and how he is going to protect me and look after me and bla bla, referencing stuff he knows about my life and making me feel really known.

The next day I had off and he called me saying that he just wanted to hear my voice. In the background were my kids crying and I couldn’t speak for long.

Today has been my first day back in the office with him and I am experiencing some extreme feelings. We are not communicating at all, it’s really awkward and I feel like I am completely at his mercy as he is the “big cheese.” It’s so unbalanced.

He wats apped me and asked if I could see him. I replied “is it work or something else?” And he said “always work.” Then when I did see him today he said “how are you feeling?” And I said “happy,” as I didn’t want to be unprofessional but still wanted to indicate that I was interested. He said “really?” as if he didn’t think I should be.

I feel limerant. I don’t want to feel like this. I don’t know if he is causing it or I am causing it.

Any grounding advice for me? What to do? To pursue it? How to communicate?

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 01/05/2019 17:47

Would you be open to dating him, taking it really slowly? If so, tell him. If you want only a professional relationship tell him. Don't be rushed into anything.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 01/05/2019 17:55

From what you say, you pulled away because you didn't want to jump into sex so quickly considering our working relationship.

Do you still feel like that? I would be very wary of starting a relationship at work and would never start one with my boss. We all know what happens if a work relationship goes sour in those circumstances. How important is your job to you?

If you think it's a bad idea then I think I'd be cheerful and polite but convey a tiny bit of reserve. If you're interested I'd let him make the first move. You don't want to embarrass him. I can see it's awkward.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 01/05/2019 18:01

If you really want to make a go of it then I'd move jobs.

Lillygolightly · 01/05/2019 18:25

I think you just need to have an honest conversation with him. You admitted feelings for each other but then didn’t discuss what that meant, no wonder things are awkward.

You need to decide if starting a relationship with him is what you want and whether it might be best not to continue to work together if that’s the care. Or indeed decide that your work is not worth risking for a relationship that might not work out.

Either way you need to talk to each other.

Do you know what you want? Do you want a relationship with him?

BummyKnocker · 01/05/2019 18:50

He was very drunk, unless he can say what he said sober, then you need to move on. If he is a 'friend' then you need to ask him if he recalls the conversation. I think perhaps he can't recall it and is fishing for clues as to what was said.

Tell him, be honest and see what he does next.

toycar · 01/05/2019 19:34

well as a drunk man, sounds like he's not just after a f**k and wants to have a relationship. talk to him about dating/relationship. it's the only way.

i dont understand what would happen if it all went wrong - its not like you'd suddenly get the sack or am i naive? obviously it would be difficult.

toycar · 02/05/2019 20:32

hi OP. How has work been? How have interaction with your boss been?

Moralitym1n1 · 02/05/2019 20:48

Get a new job.

You're going to need it either way.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 03/05/2019 13:16

I think from his behaviour, I wouldn't bother. And say why too. He seems that he wants his own way by the sounds of it.

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