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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

GirlTalk- I just dk anymore

6 replies

MommaCinders · 01/05/2019 00:25

Two years ago my partner and I split as he was having it off with someone else. I was a complete and utter mess. One night i got so low that I planned to harm myself. I had met him on pof and swore I wouldn’t go back on it again because well I hated it tbh. But this particular night I did something very similar to what I’m doing now and sought somebody to talk to, to take my mind off things and so I went back onto pof. I got talking to a guy and he was lovely, he too was going through an Uber shit time as he had split from his wife some time before but was all made more real when she had recently moved out. So we were talking and sharing how shit we both felt and before I knew it we were meeting up that night and we talked and laughed and yes things got physical, however it was a total disaster obviously, because we were doing it for all the wrong reasons! He was thinking of her I was thinking of my ex with his new gf which as you can imagine was off putting to say the least and although the guy didn’t know I was even crying at one point. We both realised that it was a total disaster and spent the rest of the night talking and laughing and sharing things about ourselves. Despite the depressing times and the times that should have been awkward but weren’t really because we both just understood each other’s pain, we got on really well and I loved spending time with him. I even told him after that night that he saved my life that night cos if I hadn’t met him I would have done something stupid. Anyway we talked every day and met up again in the week and then again, we went out for the day with his kids, we did eventually sleep together and I fell for him and he told me that he thought he was falling for me. He had so much self doubt and low self esteem, he had been ruined but when he smiled....shit....it was like someone just gave you a key to the gates of heaven lol. I constantly told him how amazing he was and u couldn’t understand how anyone could take him for granted. I knew we were a long way off anything serious because he was still so hurt and betrayed by her but low and behold the second she knew I existed and he was actually happy again, she came crawling back. He was the first genuine person I’d met in a very very very long time but he was never really mine. Anyway two years later and he’s been with her ever since they’ve had another baby and me and my ex got back together (although at this point I’m wondering why after all the shit he’s put me through with other girls) we lost our baby last year, I recently found out he was messaging his ex around new year and I just keep finding myself thinking of the guy from 2017 and yet I feel like I’m doing wrong for even smiling when I do think about the short time we had together. I miss him. Is that completely awful? I just needed to get this out really cos I’m feeling a little lost these days. In some ways I’m glad that he got his marriage back together and that he’s happy, I just hope she’s treating him right. Ps Please if you’re just going to attack me then just leave the thread because I can’t be doing with that tonight. Nice ladies only lol I’m fragile. This is where his wife pops up!! 🤦🏻‍♀️ Fs

OP posts:
grincheux · 01/05/2019 00:30

Leave him alone. You're thinking of something that seems good in comparison, grass is greener etc. Don't be the girl who messages him out the blue looking desperate, it sounds like he's moved on and is happy now. I'm sorry you're not, but it's your situation to sort out and he's nothing to do with it any more.

MommaCinders · 01/05/2019 00:32

I wasn’t going to do anything of the sort, I’m not stupid. I’m in a relationship and I’ve done nothing but try to sort it and keep it together, just doesn’t stop me thinking of him that’s all I was saying

OP posts:
SleepingStandingUp · 01/05/2019 00:35

I'm about to go to bed but didn't want to read and run.

Firstly, if you need to chat consider giving Samaritans a call. You don't have to be suicidal to talk to them, but you are obviously low.

Secondly, I'd seriously think about whether this relationship is working for you. He cheated, he's disrespectful and you're not happy

Finally, it's fine to think of a happier time and smile, to be a bit sad and nostalgic about it. Some people are here for a long time in our lives and some people serve a purpose only for the here and now. Sounds like you both got each other through that time. It showed you how you deserve to be treated better than by your ex/dp. But the thinking about it again suggests you aren't happy. You can leave your partner any time you want
You don't need something to happen or a concrete reason. "not happy" is sufficient.

I hope someone else comes along OP or you give Samaritans a call

Good luck xx

MommaCinders · 01/05/2019 00:41

Thank you I really appreciate that and yes I know. I have spoken to Samaritans a few times before and I’m now attending counselling, mainly for bereavement from losing my son but mine and his relationship is something that will be covered also. Xx

OP posts:
beenwhereyouare · 01/05/2019 02:16

Hugs for you. And I agree with SleepingStandingUp, he was in your life for a short time but for an important reason. The two of you helped one another, and even though it wasn't permanent, it was important.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You deserve so much more than you're getting. There are other good men out there. I hope you give yourself the opportunity to be with someone who'll treat you with the love and respect you deserve.

[flower]

beenwhereyouare · 01/05/2019 02:36

Sorry....
Flowers

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