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Original poster

Chances of this man being single?

26 replies

RuffleCrow · 30/04/2019 17:36

I've been divorced for a while, single for years. I have a habit of only feeling attracted to those who wouldn't be interested. Probably a self-protective mechanism as my ex was abusive in many ways. I've had therapy to deal with it all and I'm due to start some more soon.

Anyway, I keep seeing this person around every day as we take our dcs up to different schools and I'm feeling weirdly drawn to him although i don't know him at all.

I think it's probably just the same old pattern repeating for me. "Oh look, someone completely unnattainable, time to develop a ridiculous crush". I've never seen him with a partner but I expect that's because she's at work rather than them not being together. It's not like most couples do the school run in tandem! I'm kidding myself that he's giving me 'interested' vibes, I think.

God knows why i'm doing that to myself when i already have enough on my plate, though! It's all a bit daft. It's not like beautiful single dads who do most of the childcare are exactly commonplace.

OP posts:
TellItLikeItReallyIs · 30/04/2019 17:58

Chances of this man being single?

Very low. It's like that film He's Just Not That Into You. Sure there is a tiny chance he may be single/widowed/separated - but the exceptions are exceptional. It's dumb to pin hopes on an exception.

If he were single and interested, he'd speak to you and let you know.

I'm feeling weirdly drawn to him although i don't know him at all

At best this is lust based purely on some past physical imprinting. At worst, you some how sense he is unvailable to you so are repeating a pattern.

TinselAndKnickers · 30/04/2019 18:05

I have many of these rom-com romances going on in my own head - don't spoil the fantasy Grin

MrsCakeTheMedium · 30/04/2019 18:12

So you haven't even talked to him? Have you considered that he might sound like Joe Pasquale and then it wouldn't matter if he was single or not? (If you're as shallow as me.)

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 30/04/2019 18:47

Lol i have no idea - he probably is a dead ringer for Joe Pasquale. Or maybe David Beckham. I'll console my romcom-addled self with that. I sat through Eat Pray Love for the first time the other week. I'll blame it on that Grin

OP posts:
AndreaBiscuit · 30/04/2019 20:53

When you say unattainable and wouldn't be interested and then describe his type as beautiful dads.. do you mean he looks above your 'league' in terms of looks? What exactly makes him unattainable?

What actually has he done to give you 'interested vibes'?

In my observation, dads rarely get custody. It's even rarer that he is widowed.
How many days do you see him?
Do you recognise the child? would you recognise the child if he is with someone else? is this dad doing the school run everyday or some days?

I reckon a good looking man wouldn't be single or short of attention. Plus, in my experience most single dads have their kids on weekends..

You could smile and wave and see if he receprocate.

S021 · 30/04/2019 21:15

Do you live near me 😂 ?

There is the most gorgeous man recently moved to our village who is self employed and does all the child care/school runs whilst his wife works. I’m far older than him and married but still ..... even my DH mentions how good looking he is 😂

I would love to see the reactions of the Mums on the school run

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 30/04/2019 22:46

Andrea - he's seriously out of my league. Like male model out of my league. And in all probability married to someone equally gorgeous.

In terms of vibes i suppose i feel he's looking at me quite a bit and smiling in a heart-melting way - probably thinking "I didn't know we had female hobbits living round here" Grin

I agree, (unless he is awful in some way) even if he was by some very long shot single, he wouldn't be single for more than three minutes.

SO21 - he sounds very similar!

OP posts:
S021 · 30/04/2019 22:56

I’ve taken to smiling and saying hello, especially if I’m with DH. I’m also a good 15 years older than him.

I then saw him out with my friends the other day and he said hello first. My friends were like WTF!! 😂😂

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 01/05/2019 06:36

Nice one! Some people are so ridiculously good looking it's hard to believe they're here in the real world instead of a catwalk. Grin

I'd love to try that but I'm almost always with the dcs and it would be a chorus of "Who's that?" For which I would have no answer!

OP posts:
Original poster
RuffleCrow · 01/05/2019 09:10

Saw him just now. I was wondering if this other woman with dcs could be his dw and perhaps I just wasn't aware as I didn't recognise the dcs. (Tbh he could have different dcs every day and i wouldn't notice). Then there was a pause and i looked round the corner and there he was. I definitely felt he noticed me too. Then again people do stare at each other round here Grin doesn't mean anything.

Glamorously i have to go and buy drain cleaner so walking a different route back rather than stalking him

OP posts:
Original poster
RuffleCrow · 01/05/2019 16:47

And again! This time walking a different route. He really has a lot of kids. Maybe he's actually the manny nanny? That would explain how he remains so youthful and gorgeous whilst being in charge of a large brood. and i look like my nan but only have three

OP posts:
WaitingInTheBushesOfLove · 01/05/2019 16:58

Next time your eyes meet, OP, nod and smile. Grin

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 01/05/2019 17:03

Ok. I will. It's fine to flirt with someone else's very unlikely to be a nanny - right?! I'll have to be subtle though so my dcs don't rofl. Grin

OP posts:
AndreaBiscuit · 01/05/2019 20:27

saying hello and a smile isn't flirting though. i think it's weirder to just stare and stare without ever saying hello tbh.

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 01/05/2019 21:21

I'm definitely not staring. The occasional shy glance in his direction, maybe.

OP posts:
showmethegin · 01/05/2019 22:44

Have you checked his ring finger?!

Singletomingle · 01/05/2019 22:58

Why not just talk talk him? He may not be single but there could be many other things. No harm in saying hi.

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 02/05/2019 06:38

No, showme, i'll try and have a sneaky look later. He's usually carrying book bags and scooters.

I'm going to say hi and smile if i see him once I've dropped the dcs off today. That will probably break the spell for one or both of us. You know how these things are always better in your head Grin. Reality bites etc

OP posts:
AndreaBiscuit · 02/05/2019 06:52

Gosh I'm excited for you Grin good luck!

UnicornDust9 · 02/05/2019 07:07

Smile and say hello as you walk by

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 02/05/2019 17:07

Darn, no sign of him today. Maybe he saw this thread and decided to take his dcs on a 15 mile detour! Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
RuffleCrow · 07/05/2019 16:32

Saw him today. Someone on here once described Christian Slater in Heathers as 'that guy who's so hot you can't even look at him'. Kind of sums up how I felt today. Clocked him coming towards me and looking in my direction but as he approached I suddenly became inexplicably interested in a nearby tree Grin

It's appropriate that my point of reference is a teen movie - you would think I was about 14 from this thread if you didn't know better! I did actually hear his voice though, so some progress. It was actually a bit higher than I'd expected but not quite Joe Pasquale. Maybe more David Tennant in Doctor Who. I'm not sure if i'm keeping sensible distance to stop myself looking stupid given the extremely low odds, or whether I'm putting up even more barriers that don't really need to be there.

OP posts:
Scott72 · 07/05/2019 16:39

Do you find yourself thinking about him a lot? This sounds like "limerance". Something about his looks and personality have triggered this strong attraction. If he's so fantastic the odds of him being single are of course pretty low.

Original poster
RuffleCrow · 07/05/2019 16:55

Yes I am prone to Limerance. I have issues.

I can never really trust a feeling of attraction to anyone anymore because i'm afraid it's just 'the l word' again. I'm hoping to start some more counselling soon.

I wouldn't say i think about him constantly but he's definitely there in the back of my mind before i do the school run. Which is most days twice a day so quite often. I suppose it brightens up the mundane (with apologies to my dcs!)

OP posts:
TixieLix · 07/05/2019 16:57

If he's usually carrying scooters and book bags then smile at him and say "looks as though you have your hands full there" or some other bland remark. It'll break the ice and thereafter you can smile and say "hi, how are you?" when you pass. If it turns into a full blown conversation then he could be interested, if it's "yeah, good thanks" and nothing more, then he's just being pleasant.

Remember though, don't judge the book by the cover. Sometimes a person can be extremely good looking and have the personality of a wet blanket.