Feeling excluded and lonely

[valkyrie18]

Dear community,
I am reaching out as I have nobody to talk to.
I moved from London to the Midlands to live with my partner back in October 2018. I now commute to London for work every day (Mon-Fri, 9-5). My partner works various shift hours (12-19.30, 19-2.30, 16-23.30) in the city we live in. I don't have any friends here and my family lives abroad. My partner's father was diagnosed with terminal cancer a few months ago and live just 15 minute drive away. My partner sees his parents every day, and I have been told nothing about the illness, haven't seen the parents in 3 months now. We are not married, but from the beginning I was told I was family, which to me seems weird now as there is no contact whatsoever. I have reached out asking if I could help but got no response. This doesn't make me feel part of a family..
To top this, my partner and I discussed various projects for the year, mainly trips abroad. I have researched the destinations we discussed, flights etc. but he told me last week he won't be able to do all these things with me because he can't afford them.. I know I earn more than him, but we agreed on this plans together, back in January..
Last but not least, he took me to the jewelry shop back in January to look at engagement rings. I picked one I really like (we didn't buy anything on the day) and he has made countless references to us getting engaged this year (and even married), but he has made it clear that he hasn't started saving up for the ring yet and we're almost in May.

Generally and to sum it up, I feel lonely (I spend my evenings and weekends alone when he's at work), excluded (his parents clearly don't want to see me) and unsure my partner really means what he says (no ring so far, and no plans whatsoever).. What is your perspective on this and what would you advise me to do? I feel myself falling into depression because of this situation. Thank you for your help x

It sounds very cruel to talk about getting engaged, look at rings and then not carry on with it. I'm sorry that this is happening to you.

Sorry you are going through this. Has anyone explained why his parents don't want to see you? How come you don't know anything about his father's illness? Does he refuse to talk to you? What happens if you offer to go with him to visit them?

This sounds very confusing indeed. Have you discussed these things with him? Also, are there any activities etc to join at the weekend so you can make some friends?

How well do you know this guy and how long had you been together before you moved to be with him? It seems to be that you're doing a lot of compromising for this relationship while he's not putting himself out for you at all. And he's just making all these empty promises to keep you hanging on; it's called slot machine syndrome when you think the big payout is coming any day now..... and then it never comes.

You need to sit down with him and get thing's sorted, can't you call his parent's and say you would like to see them?
Is there any evening classes you can join to make friend's? Hope thing's get better for you

I’d advise you to move back to London and if you want to continue seeing your partner, then see him at the weekends. You can take it in turns to visit each other.

It sounds to me purely like you’re there to subsidise him, i.e. pay a share of the bills. You don’t really see each other, you’re not included in his family life and he has no future plans with you.

I agree with @CoffeeConnoisseur you’ve moved your world for him and what do you have in return? Move back to London, enjoy you’re life as it’s too short to be sad

It doesn’t sound like much of a relationship! If it was me I’d move back to London or somewhere within half hour commute (how about brighton?) then at least you’d get some life back as that sort of commute must be exhausting. At least if you lived somewhere like brighton you’d have evenings and weekends to join in with lots of socialising. There are lots of friendship groups there (look at the website called Meetup). It really doesn’t sound like this relationship is going anywhere

I won't be expecting any engagement and ring while his father is dying! Presumably your discussion was before the diagnosis? Surely that changes his priorities? Same with plans for trips abroad etc. His dad is dying, trips are the last thing on his mind!

You moved in about 6 months before diagnosis so how close were you to his family before their world was rocked by this? If they've only know you since you moved in I'm not surprised you are not included in this extremely devastating time. Saying you are part of a family at the beginning of a relationship is a completely different from being considered a part when a terminal diagnosis is involved. He's watching his father die, engagement rings are trips are not compatible. And trumps op being lonely and feeling excluded.