What would you do?

[Nomoremrsnicelady]

Would you stay with your husband if you were unhappy with a 2 year old and with nowhere else to go?
My family is abroad, my little one is with me all the time, I don’t have any disposable income...and I don’t want to ruin my little one’s life.

My husband is not a great earner either so at least I could get help with childcare.
I work but as you probably know all my income goes out on childcare.
I am very unhappy but keeping it together for my little one.
How would you proceed in a similar situation?
Thank you x

Are there any reasons you are unhappy in the marriage and wondering about leaving?
What's making you feel this way.

My husband is self employed and we have a lot of money issues atm. Since my little one was born we’ve had a hard time but kept in together. He’s changed a lot and it always seems like his needs come first always.

He won’t get a proper job as he says he wouldn’t earn too much but he doesn’t earn enough by being self employed either. He will earn one month but the next he’ll get paid next to nothing. There are too many outgoings with being self employed as well.

He’s become very angry and sometimes I don’t recognise him. We are both very stressed because of the situation but putting a brave face every day.

So money is one issue!

The other one is the lack of affection between us.

He’ll always put his needs first. He needs to sleep relax eat ...

I always put my lo first but that’s just me.
From the moment my lo was born he didn’t go out of his way to help but was there when I asked him

I take it you’re in the UK
I would sit and do a proper financial spreadsheet for yourself. Work out what benefits you would get. What help you would need.
Sometimes things just seem unworkable but in reality they aren’t.
If he walked out tomorrow you would cope. So start from there.
That’s if you really want to leave.

He sounds stressed and is retreating. Not good enough. Lay down a few rules, have a proper talk about what's realistic. Couple counselling maybe. Have a date in your head to leave if things don't improve and work towards it. Let him know this can't go on.

Yes I’m in the UK.
If I was on my own I would have long time ago but I’m worried of the fact that I’d fail my lo
The guilt is killing me

We are both stressed but we literally can’t afford counselling
But maybe we should go counselling despite this

She’s 2. You’ll have to work out if in reality it’s better to stay or to go. Currently it won’t massively affect her for you to leave in the same way if she were 10.
But if this continues as is, it will affect her to stay.
Most people just hope it will get better. Heads in the sand. And then by the time it’s too late the damage is done.

Your child would rather grow up in a peaceful household with one parent than one with two miserable parents! (Take it from me I speak from experience)

I never thought I’d be in this situation and I’m very overwhelmed and stressed.
I feel a failure and so upset with my current situation.

Relate may have cheap sessions or give time to pay. Some employers will give individual counselling, or gp can refer. It might only take a couple of sessions. You have not failed, you are doing your best.

You’re not a failure. That much I know

I left my sons dad when he was 1.5. I realised I didn’t love him before he was even born but thought i should stay and try to make it work for sons sake. But I grew more and more miserable and it even affected my relationship with my son. He was a shit dad and when I left he didn’t see son for five years. He sees him now once a week but he’s just a shit dad and person. Leaving him is the best thing I ever did.

Don’t be afraid that you’re important too. If you’re not happy it will affect your child. If you leave and need a house immediately you can get help with crisis loans etc. I left and had nothing ..literally lifted my son and walked out. You can make it work somehow. It’s scary but it can be done. If you work 16 hours per week you can get tax credits and help with rent etc x