Mum sending photos of my kids to sister with NC

[sparkling30]

My sister is NC with me. We never got on as children and when she was a teenager she just stopped talking to me full stop.

At my mums birthday years ago she sat there and ignored my now husband who she'd never met before who was trying to make conversation with her. He knew she didn't talk to me but didn't realize that extended to him as well.

I'm over it now after I got in touch with her when she moved into my area and she was only delighted to have me pop over (so I thought) it turns out I was just handy for her to help her out as she had no car. Her exact words when she dropped me again once she was sorted so we haven't spoken since and she's since moved away.

I now have children and she's never met them. The problem I have is my mum let slip how she's always sending my sister photos of the kids. I don't feel comfortable about this at all. How do I address this without causing WW3 or should I let it go for my mum? I don't have a problem with my mum sending photos to aunts/uncles ect so it's not a privacy thing.
The worst thing is my dad handed me a present when my dd was born and said it was from my sister and my mum stopped him saying no that's not for sparkling it's for her cousin's baby so my parents are aware my sister will happily spend money on our cousins children but not her own niece or nephew but will happily send her photos anyway. It's not about the present though.

I suppose if your mum took photos in to work and showed off the photos of her grandchildren to people you don’t know you wouldn’t be bothered. That’s what your sister is now, someone you don’t know.

I think you should let it go - you can't control what your mum does. Why make the estrangement worse than it already is?

I see where you are coming from. Could you ask your dm once not to post to your sister and then let it go?

I get it. I wouldn’t want my mum seeing pictures of my kids who she has failed to acknowledge exist.

How is you mum handling the whole NC thing? Is she understanding? Wants to ignore it etc.

Your mum is probably in denial about how cold and disinterested your sister actually is. Maybe she thinks she can help in the longrun by making your sister feel involved in some way.

If you expect to start WW3 by even addressing it with your mum, then I'd say you have more than just a sister problem.

I have exactly the same thing OP. I'm NC with my sister, have been for around 3 years and I only wish it had happened years ago. We've never got on, she's belittled and criticised me ever since she could talk. And she told me I was toxic and cruel because I had the cheek to question one of her life choices.... even though she'd spent years nit-picking over mine. She not only stopped talking to me, she cut out my DC. That she'd seen nearly every day since birth for 20+ years. I never once tried to tell my DC to stop seeing her, if anything I encouraged them to see her as it was nothing to do with them. But she's broken their hearts, even completely ignoring my DD when she gave birth last month. And to me that's unforgivable.

Yet our Mum keeps telling her about my DC and grandkids, sharing photos etc. I've asked her repeatedly not to, but Mum just gets upset and starts crying that we're not talking and I need to stop being proud and contact my sister.... still my fault, just like the last 40 odd years of my life.

I've come to realise that Mum just enables my sister to behave in the way she does, and as a result I've taken a massive step back from her too. We've stopped posting photos in the family whatsapp group and created another, and we never use FB/social media to stem the flow. It's working well. Doesn't solve the problem of having a crap family but I'm learning to live with that too and am focusing on my own.

dont post photos on social media. I have funny family so I dont have any photos of ds on fb, plus its on lockdown on privacy settings anyway.