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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Dp not interested in sex and googling celebs

6 replies

Zoflorabore · 30/04/2019 06:37

Hi all

This may sound quite trivial and I'm surprised by how much it's bothering me but the issue is that yesterday I was using dp's phone next to him to search for something and there were google searches for a soap star and a reality tv star and when I questioned him it seems that he was using them as wank fodder, pardon the expression.

He hasn't been upstairs in our bed for over a year and prefers to sit up watching the television and sleeps on the sofa instead. We haven't had sex for well over 6 months and he's not interested anyway.

When we met around 20 years ago we were just friends and got together 11 years ago when he was 30. He was reluctant to DTD and years later confessed that he was a virgin.

We ended up having a dd together who is now 8 and I have a 16yr old ds with my ex. He is a bloody fantastic dad but I feel like we're housemates.

Things have been pretty shit for a few years relationship wise and I've said that I feel he's only here for dd which he strongly denies of course.

I feel that life is passing me by. I've been asked out several times by men and of course I tell them I'm in a relationship. Am I though? It certainly doesn't feel like one.
It's far from normal and feels like we're 2 separate families living under one roof with dp and dd being one and ds and I being the other.

I'm not happy at all. He isn't a bad person but now the thought of sex with him makes me feel a bit sick. That's not right.

Finding the google search last night was the final straw. I'm laying upstairs in bed alone and he's doing god knows what in the room below me. Surely it's not normal?

I've told him I'm not happy and he just tells me to stop being silly.
I feel like I'm wasting my life. House is in my name but he would have nowhere to go if I made him leave.

Thanks for reading. Pleas don't be too harsh on me, I've just wrote what I'm thinking and I have severe anxiety, OCD and fibromyalgia and have just been assessed for ADHD so I often wonder if it's just me.

OP posts:
Shoxfordian · 30/04/2019 06:41

It sounds like your relationship is basically over so you should take steps towards him moving out. There doesn't seem to be anything to save.

stucknoue · 30/04/2019 06:47

He's checked out, it sounds like there's more going on, sleeping downstairs isn't normal. No rush but get your self together and split amicably. X

LellyMcKelly · 30/04/2019 07:01

I’m sorry, but any man wanking to images of Ian Beale in my living room would be kicked out so fast he wouldn’t know what had hit him.

Whichwayfoward · 30/04/2019 07:05

The women are not relevant. They could be anyone. As said, he has checked out. He doesn't sleep with you and isn't intimate with you.

Surely you want better for yourself. I hope you find the courage to walk away. Likely this has this knocked your self esteem so maybe it's worth some counselling to get yourself strong so you can tackle this situation once and for all.

Dieu · 30/04/2019 07:26

The relationship is dead in the water when it gets to this stage. I'm so sorry Thanks

SignedUpJust4This · 30/04/2019 08:41

If he's downstairs on his own every single night he may have a porn addiction. Agree with others though. He has checked out.

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