Want to be friends after date

[Strawbs455]

Long story short, three dates with an awesome guy who is like me in every possible respect. He’s nice and attractive but I just don’t see him in the same way. He has said a few times he finds me very attractive and on our next date has asked if I want to go to an event and then stay over at his. This has confirmed my feelings that while I really like him, I see us more as friends than anything romantic. We are so similar it’s spooky and get on well. Is there a nice way I can say this?! Or is it doomed to be a no.

Is there a reason why you don't fancy him? It might be one of those relationships that has a slow burn.

Just say, 'Hey I don't think we're on the same page unfortunately. Ive had a great time with you but I'm just not feeling 'it'. Good luck with your dating, take care.'

I would really like to stay in touch though! The kissing didn’t really do it for me and I don’t feel the chemistry - I feel like after three dates I don’t want to waste his time, he’s a great guy and will find someone special soon, I’m sure

I don’t think that’s fair on him.

Are you sure? How do you feel when you look at him - is there a fancying, do you think he looks attractive?

I wouldn't necessarily use kissing as a barometer, took me a few goes in my last relationship before I really felt the jumpy butterflies when we kissed

I think it would be worth spending more time with him, tbh. I'm basing this on a relationship I had where I didn't fancy the guy until I really got to know him, then really really fancied him because I wasn't just looking at the physical aspect, IYSWIM.

I don’t want to stay at his, i can’t imagine being intimate just yet and would like to take things slowly... how can I say this?

Either keep dating him and see what happens or just stop. Don't mess him around.

I’m really not trying to mess him around!

He's looking for a relationship, I think it's fairer if you back away as he fancies you and he will keep hoping for more. That prevents him from moving on.

That’s fair then. Based on what other posters have said, I feel like it is worth seeing him again as, as I said, I really do like him.

You want him as an ego boost and fallback company between dates. Don’t be like that.

I don’t!! I said in my first post how much we clicked

It sounds like you're quite compatible but no spark (yet). I think you should say you'd like to see him again but not ready to stay over. Perhaps do something that is more intimate (not physically) so see whether you have a deeper connection. If you feel like you don't want to loose touch perhaps that's because this is worth pursuing.

I wrote a post just like this a few months ago. Advice was to give him a bit more time and see what happened. 5 months on, I'm smitten!

It's only been three dates. There is no rush to sleep with him on the fourth date. Suggest an outside activity.

If he gets funny, then he was just out for sex anyway.

"I really like you but I can't even imagine ever having sex with you. Still wanna hang out though?"

What would you feel if a potential BF said that to you?

I’m going to say give it time too. Just take sex off the cards for a bit and carry on getting to know him, he sounds like he’s got a lot of potential.

I’d known my ex for 6 months, seeing him every day at work and being convinced we were just friends before one night as I was dropping off to sleep I realised I wanted to jump his bones . At the work Christmas party, a mutual friend had collared me and said “What’s going on between you two then?” and I’d burst out laughing and said “Ewwwww no, he’s lovely and he makes me laugh but the idea of having sex with him is completely ridiculous!”. By the end of February, I had fallen for him hook line and sinker.

It happened to me again with another guy fried who I’d not have given the time of day and actually saw as physically unattractive. In time, I saw how respectful and kind he was with me and then we kissed a few times and, I think it was the fifth kiss, I remember just feeling “wow, that was the best kiss of my life” and realising that I loved how sweet and physically attentive he was with me and I knew I wanted more. If you’d have told me even three months before that I’d eventually want to sleep with him I wouldn’t have believed you.

Keep dating, keep kissing and touching and see what happens. You are in the very early stages. The whole “everyone should have sex on the third date” thing is ridiculous. You say yourself you really like him, so that’s a good sign.

I did this, continued with someone I wasn’t attracted to, but lots of common ground. It was a bit complicated in the beginning (I’m sure I am much older than you) but i continued the relationship, desperate to find him ‘attractive’. His personality traits came out and I didn’t like them. He was lonely, I tried to end it many times, but couldn’t leave him on his own. I eventually finished it last year.

I have always felt an instant attraction with my other relationships, but wanted a ‘slow burn’ and thought this was ‘the one’, I couldn’t have been more wrong

Just to add, it’s not always about physical attraction, it’s how someone makes you feel. I’m afraid my ex didn’t make me feel good at all.