How do I make decent friends?

[Moofreemum1]

Throughout my life I've had girls stab me in the back, bully me, exclude me. I'm now in my late 20s with a DS3 and I have 1 friend that I trust and can confide. I have a few others but I don't trust them and hardly see/speak to them.
I'm just upset that women feel the need to be this way, I'm not jealous of people's success. Well done to them and I realise they are their own journey but in my experience I find women will pull each other down to be the best. How on earth do I find decent friends when I've had such bad experiences. All I want in life are friends who have my back and are supportive. Is that really alot to ask? Where have you found these types of supportive friends?

How was your relationship with your mother? What lessons did she teach you about friendship?

pics my DM hates conflicts so will let people walk all over her. She won't say if someone's annoyed her or been horrible. She will just ignored it.

Examples are one girl I considered a best friend in my early 20s tried to hook up with my then recent ex on a night out. Amongst other things. In my teens a girl I considered like a sister knew my then bf was leading a double life but didn't tell me until after I found out from the guys best friend. I was in a women's refuge and only told 1 close friend. She was not there for me and we now don't speak. Went on holiday with some girls 1 of them was a close friend. I was bullied by one of the other girls and it was blatant. She didn't stick up for me and sided with the other girl. We now Don't speak. There any more examples of other so called friends hurting me.too.

My word. You've had some really bad luck with people. I'm sorry to read of your experiences.

It is really hard to meet 'your' people. But you have to keep trying with a modicum of trust when you meet new and potential friends.

Your ds is 3? Do you go to any parent-child groups with him?

What about colleagues? Any potential friendships there?

I think you’re more likely to find good people in good places , maybe try some part time volunteer/charity work , it’ll make you feel good and you May meet some decent friends in the process? X

Do you think your mother relied on you emotionally?

Perhaps you might be a bit of a fixer? Do you find that you focus on friendships where you can "help" the person, thereby perhaps directing all of your efforts towards the troubled/users, and away from nice, reciprocal friendships (as the former feels more "familiar")?

I think the saying 'you count true friends on one hand' is true. I'm 45 and still find alot of people can be pretty awful to be honest. Men are no better than women either IME. What's helped me is caring less and thinking quality over quantity.

That's pretty difficult in this day with social media where we are bombarded with this message we should popular and 'liked'.

I also think you need to ask yourself what friendship is for. We are all force fed a saccharin sweet 'friends' version of what friendship is. Its not realistic, as humans are imperfect. We compete, we feel jealousy, anger and all other negative emotions and that comes out in our friendships and interactions with others. When you think about friendship is alot of things, it can be to provide support and comfort, it could be about loyalty and having someone's back, but it could also be little more than a way of making an interaction pleasant or complying to social rules.

cobblers I went to my local groups when DS was little and did make some friends. However then I went into a refuge and had to move and was a tough time so didn't keeping in contact. At work there's a large group of us but I wouldn't say I'm close to any of them just do social stuff together. They don't have children and are younger so different points in their life to me.

son there was clues to the guy who tried to get with my then recent ex. She was very jealous and the way she spoke to me at times was like I was a child. Don't know why I put up with it tbh. But can't think of any other warnings from any other "friends".

pics I am a fixer. I was the fixer and peace keeper when my parents use to argue and not speak to each other. My DM was also emotionally abusive and I have had counselling for this stuff. I know I'm a fixer when it comes to make relationships. Don't think I am with female relationships though.

Clues to the girl I meant not guy