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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How to manage relationship with step-son - dad subject to an injunction

2 replies

usernamefromhell · 29/04/2019 15:32

Have posted about this situation before: I have obtained an injunction against my STBXH after he made death threats to me. We've been separated and are divorcing -- I've had four years of various kinds of bullying and threats including take suicide attempts, violence and threats of violence and verbal abuse, which have escalated over that period of time. Was unwilling to do anything to protect myself for a long time because I wanted to preserve the relationship between my STBXH and our daughter. The death threats were the final straw and he's now not allowed to contact me. We have an 8 year-old DD who is upset and processing it now.

My STBXH has a son (not with me), who is in his early 20s and lives abroad. I've always had a good relationship with him and he has been very kind to me and my daughter. He's been contacting me recently asking me if I'm OK and wanting to be in touch. I've avoided responding until recently as I thought any attempts to do so risked invalidating my application for an injunction.

Now the injunction has been granted I believe there's nothing stopping me contacting my ex-stepson and I'd like to do so but don't really know how to manage this. I want him to know that the reason I've been very bad at staying in touch with him is to do with the issue with his father, but I don't feel that its my place to do so and that should come from his father. An additional complicating factor is that English is not my ex-stepson's first language so communication with him is quite difficult at the best of times. I don't want to deliver upsetting or sensitive information to him without being sure its being handled right.

Does anyone have any advice or has anyone been through anything similar?

OP posts:
titchy · 29/04/2019 15:51

Do you have to mention the injunction or abuse at all? Can't you just say you thoguht it would be awkward now that you and his father have separated, but that you are very find of him and would be delighted to keep in touch, and happy to ensure that he can contimue to have a relationship with his sister.

usernamefromhell · 29/04/2019 15:53

titchy we separated over four years ago and he's well aware we're not together as a couple any more but our lives have been relatively combined for a separating couple and I think some of his family thought we may get back together - we would occasionally call him together to put him on the phone to his half-sister etc.

It's really just explaining to my step-son that I can't have any contact with his father any more and doing it in a way that I'm not essentially telling him his dad is a violent and controlling bully.

OP posts:
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