My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year. We don't live together but have discussed it with a view to doing so in the summer. We are exclusive with each other, spend most evenings and nights together and weekends. We both feel we are in love with each other and have lots of plans for the future together.
My history is a 22 year relationship that ended after finally managing to leave an emotionally and mentally damaging coercive control situation. Prior to that, shorter relationships. His is a 6 year marriage and a 15 year relationship that began as soon as the marriage ended. He cheated twice early on with two different women in the 15 year relationship and had a child with one of the women. He'd been on his own 6 weeks when I met him (but the relationship had been over 8 months prior). I'd been on my own for 3 months.
A couple of months after we first got together, he told me about the fact he'd cheated and how he hated himself for the pain he'd caused. He said he wanted to tell me so we started the relationship with full disclosure and to give me a chance to walk away if I didn't want to date someone who had cheated previously.
We've had a great year, a few ups and downs but nothing serious and I feel we have great fun together, shared interests, a great sex life and love each other.
He and I are off on holiday at the end of July to a place where he went as his last relationship was in its last days. He's told me that on his last holiday there, he casually met and chatted to a couple of girls but wasn't interested and told them he was happily in a relationship. All fine. He's mentioned this a few times.
To cut a long story short, it transpires that one of the girls messaged him out of the blue whilst we've been together, asking if he still remembers her. He replied asking if she'd like to meet him for a drink when he goes on his lads holiday, telling her she's very attractive and he's no idea why she hasn't got a boyfriend yet and when she asked if he was 'off the market', he dodged the question with 'off the market ha ha'. He can't explain why he didn't say he was in a relationship now. He said he knows he should have done.
He's said it's just banter and a joke that she started and he's just continued. My gut tells me otherwise. He's said she's not attractive, he doesn't fancy her and just said it to boost her confidence. When I was upset last night and asked to see the messages to put my mind at rest as to the context, he got unpleasant and said 'you need to stop this. Now. I've told you it's a joke and that's that. Now go to sleep'. When I got up to leave at 2am, he angrily said 'for fu*k's sake...all this over a bit of banter'. He's done this shutting me down before and I end up apologising for everything. I've even found myself apologising profusely to him this morning because I feel I've annoyed him.
He's messaged this morning saying he's deleted all the messages and if she contacts him again, he'll tell her he's with someone. He wants me just to write it all off, not ask him anymore about it and just move on. I have a feeling I'm just going to get hurt in this relationship. He says I won't and he loves me. No idea whether I've overacted. He feels I have.