Could I please ask how you feel about grandchildren?

[DexyMidnight]

I'll admit this is 'inspired' by another thread so if anyone wants to report it, feel free.

Despite not being interested in children of my own, I have every sympathy for couples who struggle with infertility, or secondary infertility.

I can also fully imagine why people are excited to be grandparents: squidgy new bundles of joy, all the fun of parenting with none of the bad bits - assuming you live close by. And even if your grandchildren live further away I can imagine how fun it must be to see them grow, change, etc.

So I can understand why someone would be quietly disappointed not be a grandmother/grandfather.

But assuming you had more than one child (and therefore had had the joy of creating and parenting your own family), and assuming you had at least one grandchild to love and spoil, would you really mind if one of your children decided not to have kids?

I am asking because this is a situation I find myself in with my PIL, and I would like to understand their p.o.v.

One of my adult DS has got a dw and 2 dc, my dgc. The other one is older but not settled down and has always said he doesn't want kids. That's his choice. I don't mind.

Both my DD and DS have a child, and they had always said growing up that they wanted children.
Honestly and selfishly I am very glad that they do - I adore both GC equally (and it makes no difference that one is DD's daughter, I feel no less for DS's son). BUT if they had decided that they didn't want to I would have said that it was nobody's business but theirs, even though I'd have been very secretly rather sad.

I always said that having a grandchild would be another person to worry about. Now I have a baby granddaughter I am loving it. Seeing my DS and DDIL being such wonderful parents is a joy in itself but spending time with her is absolutely wonderful.

I have 3 wonderful grandchildren and I love them more than I thought possible. If one of my kids said they didn’t want any children I wouldn’t have minded at all. As long as it was their choice and not because they were having problems conceiving. Not everyone wants children and it it not acceptable to be made to feel guilty for your choices.

When it comes down to it though having children is a decision for them to make, if I become a grandparent or not is a side effect not a reason and if they are happy then I am happy.

Excellently put OddBoots

Personally I am happy as long as my children are happy but I know my husband feels it’s a legacy to leave your dna behind so future generations carry on from you gives his life meaning but for me my only wish is for them to be happy and healthy.

We have two DCs, both in settled relationships. One of them has a dc whom Dh and I adore. The other doesn't have children and I very much doubt they will. They and their partner are very career focussed and DIL is in a profession where taking time out would seriously impact her career. Dh and I are fine about it. We would never pressure them into having children - they are intelligent adults, quite capable of making their own decisions.

I have 4 whom I adore. The first wasn't in ideal circumstances and I was a grandmother way before I ever thought I would be so I never had the chance to have an older adult child to wonder if if I would be a grandmother or not.

That said I do have a DS and the most I have ever said was maybe one day you'll want to settle down and get married and that had nothing to do with grandchildren but rather, I hoped that he would have someone to share his life with if he wanted that.

I don't see my grandchildren often as they are on the other side of the world.

I'm potentially at the point where I could become a great grandmother and that would be nice but I'm not fussed either way.

The main thing I want for my children and grandchildren is to be healthy and happy and that is enough for me.

I really wasn’t fussed & tbh the only children I liked were my own & I never mentioned grandchildren to either of mine, especially dd who has an autoimmune illness & getting pregnant/carrying a child was going to be difficult, she unexpectedly became pregnant & three years ago dgd was born, I can truly say I have surprised myself with the sheer amount of love I have for this child I absolutely adore her, I’m lucky that dd only lives fifteen minutes away & I see them a lot, I also have dgd a couple days a week & have her overnight every couple of weeks.
We have a really lovely bond & when she says I love you sooo much Nana & flings her arms around me I’m putty in her hands.
Ds, I doubt very much if he will have children but again I would never ever say that he should, those decisions are not my business & I think it’s very unfair to pressurise dcs to have children.

I had no ambition to be a grandmother. I was a very young mother and raising my own five kinda wore me out.
However 3 of my kids have had babies in the last three years (all of them at young - by current standards - ages)
I have to say I have been completely stunned by how much I adore the little ones. The feeling is so unexpectedly powerful and I feel really lucky.
But there was never any thought from me that any of my kids "should" have children and I wouldn't even have considered asking them about it.
And if my youngest doesn't go on to have a child that's A ok and none of my beeswax!

We are in exactly the same position but the two who don’t want love my other grandchild but do not want their own. I don’t mind in the least they have always been sure they didn’t want and we knew this from the start. I have an adorable granddaughter so I’m happy.

Thanks all such lovely, balanced and fair comments, I wasn't expecting that. I have read a few things on MN over the years (not isolated incidents!) that suggested women felt entitled to grandchildren and were angry when a child 'denied' them them but this thread obviously isn't reflective of that and I've likely been homing in on those comments and getting myself in a tizz over them.

I think my MIL is just culturally quite blunt and as I said there's a language barrier, if she brings it up again I'll just smile and say how excited I am about the baby

I have 3 adult children, the younger 2 are both married with children, my eldest doesn't want children and is happy being an uncle.
I'm fine with this as it's their lives.

My MIL was desperate for grandchildren but never spoke about it. My Dh and his are both on the edge of 40 so she assumed she would never be a nan.
When my Dh and I announced I was pregnant, she was over the moon and danced about and my dd (now 15 months) is spoiled rotten by her.
Dd was 8 months when we conceived dd2 (due in July) so when we announced this pregnancy, I thought she'd be just as excited but she was in complete shock! Lol

I actively did not want to be a grandparent and told everyone so. Was quite shocked when DS and Ddil anounced DGS1, and five years later DGS2.

DD will not be having any so no shock from her.

I am utterly besotted with the boys. Don't interfere but am here for whatever. It is shocking how much I love this bit.

It was very emotionally difficult when most of my work colleagues became grandparents (one had 12!) I was genuinely heartbroken to not have any or any signs of them being imminent.
My mom years were shitty and I longed to be a good gran.
I was very relieved when my dd, told me she was expecting a huge weight came off my shoulders.
I now have 3 and just knowing they are there is perfect.
And I’m a much better gran than mom.

My only child is married but he and DIL won’t be having children -they cant - and for my own sake I don’t mind a bit. I’m not a children person!(In fact selfishly it’s easier for DS to find time to see us when he’s childless!)

I’m desperately sad for them (seeing DIL’s face on Mothering Sunday for example) but not for me and DH