Is it normal to never be able to love again after a divorce?

[thio]

Hey, I divorced 7 years ago. We have a son who is 10. I have met people/slept with people and some have definitely been really nice and someone I could see myself with but honestly, the love just isn't there. I was genuinely heartbroken by our divorce, but we just wasn't agreeing on anything anymore and we were arguing a lot which wasn't healthy for our little boy. It's been 7 years and I don't think I'll ever love someone like that again. Is this normal? My exH also hasn't been in any relationships to the point that they met our son. Just hoping I'm not a complete loon!

I was going to start a similar thread! I have also been divorced seven years and not met anyone (well a few brief relationships in the early years) and neither has ex. It’s weird. He could easily have moved on as I know he wanted to and he has plenty of time to devote to his social life as the dc are with me.

I wasn’t heartbroken in that I missed him as he was horrible towards the end and it was a very messy divorce but I do look back and think, we could have had everything.

Anyway to answer your question, I’m not sure if it’s normal or not as some people seem to move on to new babies/blended families quickly. On the other hand I do know some people who haven’t bothered looking to meet anyone new.

Yep. In fact, I haven't even got to your stage yet. I have only had a handful of first dates since last summer, 6 years on from spitting up. I still don't want a relationship, although I am starting to think having someone to get together with once or twice a week might be nice!

I'm 10 years on and I have not dated or slept with anyone and I am certainly not looking to do either one. I could never trust a man as far as I could throw him. I am perfectly happy being single.

However, I know of people who have protested that they don't want someone new and the next moment are declaring it to the world on social media that they are in a relationship.

To each their own, I suppose.

Another one here...single now for 6 years, and have not slept/met anyone who I want to be with. I don't know if it's normal to be like this, but I don't think I am normal

I miss company, someone to go out and do stuff with. Don't really have any friends to call up and spend the day with, most people are with their families at the weekend. I've tried meet up for making friends but haven't found the right group yet.

It is perfectly normal to be able to love again after a divorce.

We can also leave the curtains drawn until after the sunrise.

My next door neighbour has been totally on her own for around 23 years.

Six years for me. I have had a few dates but largely it's been a FWB relationship that started unexpectedly and has continued on for five years now. I love the friendship that comes with it, we have our own lives, we spend a whole long day together once a fortnight (on DS's contact day) and it is lovely, relaxed, good food, great sex and I enjoy every second. We are in touch inbetween. It suits us both perfectly. I am sad I haven't found anybody permanent but so damaged by my cheating ex-h that I have terrible trust issues and the barriers are up. I also have an ASD 8 year old so I think it's best for me to just concentrate on him for now. I think unless either of us meet somebody else then FWB is here for the foreseeable.

It's strange really, I have barely been single since I was 16 (I am approaching 50 now) and actually this time on my own has really helped me find myself and of course if you've been through a nasty divorce, I think the best thing is to have a good stretch of time alone to recover. My divorce broke me but I am a lot stronger for it. Also less likely to put up with any old crap!

It's been 16 years for me and I have neither dated nor tried to have a relationship and I don't suppose I will now. In my 60s I just feel too old to start all that again - and men seem to want younger women anyway.

Most of the time I am OK but I would be lying if if I said I never felt lonely although I have supportive family etc. But obviously I am not lonely enough to get out there and meet men. I suppose I must feel that sometimes being lonely without a relationship is better than feeling lonely within one, I never want to feel like that again.

@kaitlinktm You're never too old! My neighbour who had been divorced for many years and despaired of ever meeting anybody recently got married at 67! It's lovely to see her so blissfully happy again. Also, my Dad remarried around five years after my mum died. He was 68. My stepmum is more than 20 years younger than him but they have been very happily married for 11 years now. Both scenarios I describe were chance meetings. You never know what's around the corner..but I do agree with your last sentence. Nothing worse than that

Yes it's perfectly normal.

If there are emotional needs you lack, it's better to find them from other sources

I work in a hospital and I recently met a wonderful 82 year old lady and was chatting to her. She told me that she had never wanted children and wasn’t fussed about getting married then she met the love of her life when she was 60 and has been very happily married for 22 years! Her lovely husband arrived later looking like a retired Father Christmas and sat with her all afternoon.

There really is no “normal”! Xx

Yes it's possible to love again but it has to be the right person. I was on my own for a long time when my marriage ended as I focused on the kids and myself. As they got older I started dating again and had some good and some not so good times. I found after all the crap I was extremely fussy about who was in my life. Last year I can say I met the man of my dreams and experience love now like I never knew existed.