Making me feel unreasonable

[Broken123]

Am I being unfair? I have two children and I do everything for them. Husband won’t go to their dance shows, parents evenings or generally engage with them. I was away for the weekend for someone’s hen party and for once he had to be in charge. He had already been to the pub three times in the week and on the Friday had to take them to dance practice. He refused to wait for them and they were only half an hour - instead he went to the pub and made them walk to the pub when they had finished. On Saturday one daughter had a dance competition and he refused to cancel a football match he was playing in (he’s 50) to take so I made alternative plans for her but asked him to pick up the other daughter at 5.15 after her dance lesson. I phoned home and he said he hadn’t gone to get her his dad had and then they were meeting in the pub. Well I lost it at that stage. There is no reason why he couldn’t get her, he just wanted to be in the pub with his mates. My kids hate the pub. I never ask him to do much of the collecting but I’m devastated that he can’t put the pub on hold to do the right thing by his kids. Today when I got back no one was in. Husband has taken daughter to the pub. We are not speaking and his friends say I am unreasonable for being cross. Am I unreasonable?

This is my first reply . Your husband is an asshole for doing that and children have no place in a pub unless it’s to have lunch or supper . A pub is absolutely no place for children. For them
Or for adults who want to get out to socialise . It’s unfair and selfish

Who cares what his pinhead friends say? Of COURSE he is being unreasonable. He is a disgrace.

You are absolutely not BU and your husband is an Arse who does not deserve his family

Oh OP 😞

I’m so sorry but you’d husband is an asshole and I would personally be packing his bags. Totally unacceptable and actually quite emotionally manipulative as I’m guessing you didn’t switch off once all weekend!

Why does he spend so much time at the pub?! Is he a alcoholic? He seems to need to be there nearly every day. So unfair on your children.

So he doesn't engage in family life and shows no cooperation/team mentality whatsoever.

I'm really struggling to see what the point of him is, he seems to think he's still single?

Thoroughly selfish 👎🏻

is he an alcoholic?

Either way he sounds awful and is a negligent father (how old are they)

What an arsehole

If course YANBU

Sounds like life would be easier without him

YANBU

13 and 11. The pub isn’t far from their dance lessons but that isn’t really the point. For once I wanted to him to put them first not himself. I was constantly on the phone to them making sure everything was fine. Since I’ve been back they haven’t gone near him. Youngest who has very long hair which she finds difficult to brush hasn’t had her hair brushed all weekend. Just beaks my heart what a selfish man he is.

Who are his friends who say you are unreasonable
And why are you staying

Why on earth have you put up with this selfish waster for 13+ years. Don't put up with him for a moment longer. You're daughters will probably be mightily relieved.

You are not being unreasonable!
I feel for your daughters, they must feel so unloved by him, and unimportant.
Think about the example he is showing them? Men can do whatever they want and women must take on all responsibility to facilitate this. Just no. Although they're both at an age now where they can make comparisons to how their friends families operate.
Of course his mates are going to say UABU! He is probably the life and soul of the party, part of the gang, a proper 'geezer' but they only see part of the picture and only hear what he tells them.
You have put up with him living the life of a single man for too long. He doesn't want to be part of the family so I would LTB and let him crack on

He sounds like a waste of space. This is not how a good dad or a good husband behaves. Ditch him.

He's really selfish and it sounds like he doesn't care about having a family

Why have you been doing it all as long as you have and letting him act like a selfish twat though?

Are they his children?

He's a selfish twat and not a good father.

Suspect his friends think you are unreasonable because they are also in the pub...

His behaviour is selfish and ridiculous.

He sounds a selfish sexist wanker ignoring his kid's and spending his life drinking. So you think he'd be more interested in them if they were boys?

You definitely aren't being unreasonable. My XH used to pull shit like this. He would 'take' the kids to the cinema, but in reality would pay for the tickets then go to the pub. His excuse was that he didn't want to watch whatever film it was - like I really did! He also used to take DC to the pub with him and it was a nasty, grotty, sawdust on the floor, old man's pub at that. He once expected 13 year old DD2 to walk over half a mile from my church to her church alone at 11.30pm on Christmas Eve. He then moaned because he had to take her to meet the person who offered to give her a lift there (I couldn't take her because I was the organist and our service started before her one and her church would have still been locked at the time I would have dropped her off). He expected her to wait, alone, over half a mile from home at 11.30pm. He thought it was quite safe and reasonable to do so. One time I was away for a few days, and my mum did the majority of childcare because he 'had to pop out for 20 minutes' then came back pissed.

I'm sorry, OP, but things will not improve. I was an idiot and stuck with my XH for far too long, even overlooking him going to the pub first before coming home, despite him having been working away for weeks at a time. My self-esteem was too low to accept that me and the kids should have come first, not the drink. He would deny that he is an alcoholic, but he is. Someone who spends that much time at the pub has a problem.

Yes they are. My daughter is in a school play soon and she has bought tickets for my parents to go and for me and her sister, but SHE CHOSE not to get a ticket for her father saying “ he’s not interested anyway, so what’s the point”.