Come to a kind of crossroads with DH, don’t really know how to approach it.

[Sleepycatinthesun]

Bit of back story, DH is around 8 years older than me, I’m 45. DH has always liked a drink, has stuck to his 2 nights out a week since before we got married and had children (20 years). I also used to love to socialise, have a drink, nights out when we could get a babysitter etc. All good.

I’m now finding that alcohol does not agree with me. It makes me feel ill, affects my IBS and generally whacks me out for a few days after a night out. DH still loves a good day / night out as do most of our friends - we are all of an age where our children are older teens so nights out, afternoons In a beer garden or in our local city are back on the cards.
Trouble is, I don’t like doing it any more. It’s causing a bit of a rift as DH is fed up about the upcoming years of me now becoming almost teetotal (holidays will apparently be ruined, no nights out, no fun) and he’s become quite resentful.

I have to say, I am at a bit of a loss myself. I had visions of city breaks with plenty of bottles of wine, holidays and nights out into our later years and now I don’t quite know what we are going to do with ourselves!

This all sounds ridiculous but socialising around alcohol has been what we kind of grew up on but now I’m ready to not be bothered by alcohol ever again. We have been out recently and drank very little but DH gets annoyed and sulks and wants to just go home then as ‘there’s no point’.

Anyone else come up against this? It feels like almost a separation of ways is going to come in the future, we seem like so very different people now and Im very sad about it.

I’ve been teetotal for over a year now. Into my 50’s I just can’t handle alcohol anymore, and a falling over belligerent middle aged woman is not a pretty sight (I realised thankfully!). It’s easier for me as I’m single, but I have had some grief from friends and my social life has taken a bit of a hit.

It’s sad that your DH feels this way. Does he not enjoy a day out at the coast or visiting places of interest? He could have a beer or whatever if you drive? I do see how much our culture revolves around alcohol now that I don’t drink, and it is prevalent with those of us in our late 40’s and 50’s.

I have been on both sides of this - scoffing at people not drinking and therefore ruining my plans for getting blitzed, and now being scoffed at for spoiling other people’s fun. It’s a difficult situation that you are in and I’m not sure it will be resolved if your DH wants to carry on drinking and socialising in the same way that he always has done.

You have to do what’s best for you and hopefully your DH will get over himself and you can reach a compromise

How often does he get properly drunk?

I initially read it as twice a week. Binge drinking twice a week is a lot. That's teenage level (Maybe not quite student).

If he is having a few pints once or twice a week and then having a heavier day/night once every now and again then it doesn't read so bad but I'm not clear which scenario it is.

If it's the latter then why can't he just go out and get drunk with his friends without you. If it's only once every 6-8 weeks I'm sure you have plenty of other opportunities to do things together. What else do you both like doing?

If he is drinking a lot, consistently, once or twice a week then I can definitely see how this is and will cause an issue. Both In the relationship and for his long term health.