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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Is it unreasonable for him to work so much?

6 replies

flipdip · 28/04/2019 20:53

My husband works 7 days a week and around 15 hours a day. It's his own business, running for two years, and he loves it. He has taken on enough work for three people but won't get staff because he doesn't see any need to cut down on what he does. He is abroad with work every fortnight and when he is we get just one text a day, because he is too busy.

We have two children - an 8yo with additional needs and an 11 month old. My husband freely admits he enjoys work more than family life and would rather be in his office than in the house. He has a 'my way or the highway' attitude which, as we all know, really doesn't work with kids. He helps me out with the kids for around an hour a day.

We've been together 14 years and I just feel like a very different person now. I try to always put others first, care about my family etc. I enjoy work but it's not number one however the irony is that I cannot work as he is away too often for me to get anything stable. We did the same degree and my career sustained us for a long time so this is a real bugbear for me.

Im wondering if we are reaching the end of the line and that separation might be best. He can have the life he wants and I can make a life for me and the kids that is not always waiting for him and being let down by him.

But am I expecting too much? Is this attitude common among men? Should I continue to try to make things work as it's easier to be together like this than it would be to be apart. Or do I rightly think that this attitude is not right and that I shouldn't just accept it? But if I walk away I'm alone (I don't have any friends and family are a long way away) and I just watch him prosper.

OP posts:
Mummyshark2018 · 28/04/2019 20:57

Hi Op, I am assuming he earns a good wage putting in all those hours, but apart from that what does he bring to family life? sounds like you're a 'single parent' anyway, perhaps not in a financial sense but in every other sense.

flipdip · 28/04/2019 21:21

That is what I feel, yes. He does make very good money, we are debt free and saving for a bigger house but I would rather have less money and more support!

OP posts:
Echobelly · 28/04/2019 21:27

'I would rather have less money and more support' - I think he needs to know that. He needs to decide what his priorities are, and it sounds like you may need to be prepared for it not being his family.

Quartz2208 · 28/04/2019 21:32

He is avoiding doing anything but what he wants to do and stopping your life

Exactly how can your expectations be too high?

flipdip · 28/04/2019 21:37

It probably does sound silly but I feel guilty as though I am asking too much of him. But then on the flip side I know that these priorities are all wrong. Laughably when we have had discussions about all this, his response is that he is too busy to think about it. But that leaves me being the one who will have to pull the plug - if that's what is needed. I will have to explain to my kids one day why it happened and I want to make sure the reason is good enough.

OP posts:
Quartz2208 · 28/04/2019 21:41

but that is the root of the problem you are not actually asking anything of him

He should be getting someone as an employee and stepping up

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