In need or morale support!!

[chocolateandcocktails001]

I've posted a couple of times over the last 2 days about my emotionally unavailable boyfriend. I asked him yesterday about meeting my parents (as well as suggesting I should also meet his) as they are visiting next weekend and it's the weekend we see each other. He said he needs to think about it and that we would chat tonight about it. We started seeing each other 2 years and 4 months ago, with a 4 month break in 2017 but have been back together 18 months. I need to open up about how I feel as I can't go on like this feeling so rejected and not unworthy, like I'm not important, just strung along and not someone he sees himself being with. I hate these conversations. I feel so so anxious! I feel sick!! I need some morale support!!

Moral support in telling him it's over?

I feel like that is where it's going to end up but no, just opening up and telling him how I feel and what I'm wanting from the relationship.

I know it sounds daft but I find opening up about my feelings incredibly hard to do.

I think he is well aware OP if you’ve raised it before, but he just doesn’t bother to comply. He sounds emotionally unavailable and no amount of discussion will change him I don’t reckon. You deserve more from life then this div

He does know what I want but because of me really struggling to open up I'm not as open as I should
Be about it so I feel I need to give it this one last go to really put my cards on the table and understand what he wants too.

If you find it really hard to do in person can you hand him a letter or leave it where he will see it?

I tend to blurt out whatever I feel face to face but I know some people aren't wired like that so maybe written down would be better, and also give him time to think?

In terms of discussing with him tonight on the call , make a list of all the things you find important and why so you can easily refer to them if you get flustered . I’d also maybe just ask him outright :
“where do you see this relationship going ?eventually I will want to find a partner to move in with, start a family etc, does you see that happening one day with us ?”

You’ve been together for 2 years , you need to understand if you are wasting your time or not x

Sorry I assumed you would be calling him on the phone and not a face to face meeting . I find telephone calls can make it easier on a person to get things out as they don’t gave the pressure of the other person staring at them. X

The situation isn't working for you as it is, you're miserable. If you open up that stops one way or another. He either listens (happy days) or you know it's over and you can move on (happy days eventually). Good luck.

A list is a good idea but no he's coming round!! Not quite sure how to start it... probably with the discussion about this weekend and my parents and take it from there 😬😬

You express yourself very well here. Maybe you should write to him.
Also consider that to change a situation you should work on your self worth and confidence. He may have reservations about the future.

You know what, you deserve someone who'd love to meet your parents, who would love to take you to meet his parents. You deserve someone who is proud of you. You shouldn't have to beg for favours. You deserve so much more than this.

I bottled it and couldn't do it. I feel so so shit as I wish I could do it but I can't. I may have to text him but I really don't want to be the person who does this stuff over text. PP is right though... I deserve someone who wants to meet my parents and who wants me to meet theirs. No wonder I'm feeling so rejected and low

If you said flat out, "We're meeting my parents for lunch next weekend", what do you think he'd do?

To be honest, love, i think he is messing you about, and you'd be better off without him. He is just blocking you from finding a proper decent man.

Erm I'm not sure what he would have said but I wouldn't want to do that. He probably
Would meet them, but with no intention of me meeting his family which is the bigger part of them problem.... he says he wants a relationship but doesn't seem to want me to be part of his life.

Hollowtalk is so right, you sound lovely and this guy is just a time wasting prick. Trust me , you will look back on him in a year and question why you were so enamoured . Break free of this loser and meet someone who is an upgrade in every sense

I text him last night after he got home and explained how I wanted to talk but couldn't do it. He said that he finds it hard too. We have said that we will do it on Wednesday when we next see each other.
I just can't work him out. I think he has no clue about what I want even though it has been spelt out to him. He was still making comments last nights about the future in general and nowhere am I ever mentioned in it,

Sorry but he’s just not that into you.

Thanks for your response cheddar. Not really the morale support I was asking for.

With the best will in the world, OP, the fact that you've felt you needed to have three threads about you not being happy with this relationship this weekend speaks volumes.

You also had one in November, December (Christmas Day in fact) and January. And pretty much all similar, about how emotionally unavailable he is, how you're not getting what you want out of this relationship.

You dated this bloke for 6 months, it ended because he didn't want commitment, then he decided he did want commitment and you've been back together (but not living together) for the best part of 18 months. You've each got kids, his don't live with him, and you've met them twice I think and they don't know you're his girlfriend. Now we have the parents issue.

Really, if you can't add all this up yourself that this is going nowhere and you've been allowing it to go nowhere, I'm not sure what moral support you think you need? Especially when on most of your threads you refer to the fact you've found people harsh on your previous ones.

Neither of you are doing the other a favour. Sounds like you're both settling for less. And all the while you're doing that you're denying yourselves the chance of finding real happiness. Just how much more time do you want to waste?

I agree that you should write to him but be crystal clear in what you want to happen including meeting his parents when they are there. He deserves to give you a clear answer if he sees a future for you both but that must go hand in hand with how he acts.

B

@Shatners is right. . Moral support isn’t just saying what you want us to hear, it’s gently supporting you in coming to the conclusions you need to.
So...gently...however hard it is, feeling rejected, feeling unloved, you have to take people by their actions as well as words. Do you feel cherished? Do you feel like he is proud of being yours? Do you feel involved in his life as you are important to him?
When it’s right, there is little angst. When it’s right, you do not feel hidden away. When it’s right, little actions show it again and again and again.

My comment was in relation to cheddars comment if 'he's just not that in to you'. That's a rude and unhelpful comment, is not supportive and is not necessary. It also isn't gently helping me see what is going on here. I have accepted and been thankful of the support from other people, it was cheddar who I thought was rude and inappropriate. It's nothing to do with not being what I wanted to hear. I know how this looks and I've specified in my original thread how the relationship is making me feel. I posted this post for a little courage to open up and have the talk as I find it really hard.