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Relationships

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Original poster

Partner works away Mon-Friday and works one day on the weekend.

14 replies

FTM05 · 28/04/2019 13:48

Im 21+3 weeks pregnant, with my first child.. my partner already has one child from a previous relationship, we have been together for just over a year and we get on brilliantly, some people say a year is not long.. but this man is the one I want to marry I love him more than I thought was possible.

I'm just struggling slightly that he's just started a new job, I knew it would involve working away which I was absolutely fine about, but the shifts they are giving him are ridiculous, he works mon-friday and a day on the weekend, the money is fabulous so I feel bad for complaining, but I feel like I hardly see him these days.. he's missing milestones of my pregnancy and I try involve him as much as I possibly can, but I know he feels like he's missing out on this big things also (buying things, appointments ect)

Like I mentioned the money is brilliant, and our baby is going to have a wonderful life and we will be able to look after her completely, but I get really emotional when he's away, I find myself keeping busy in the days and then come the nights I can't help but find myself wanting him home so badly. He's working all day today, home at 7 and then leaving early hours tomorrow morning to work away until Friday! I find that even harder sometimes, he doesn't just work up the road either he works in another country.

Is this just hormones and normal? or am I being silly?

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 28/04/2019 14:05

You're not being silly. Do you think its a co-incidence that he's taken on this job now that you're pregnant and trapped? How often does he see his other child? How are your marriage plans coming on?

Original poster

FTM05 · 28/04/2019 14:11

He took it because of the money and because it's something he's always wanted to do, he didn't just make the choice alone either.. we had weeks of chatting about it and I agreed it sounded perfect, we were not in the best situations with money and we both knew he couldn't turn this opportunity down.

He see's his other child regularly, there are a few issues with his ex partner but he loves his child and he does ANYTHING and EVERYTHING possible for him.

We want to make sure we are settled and in a good place for the baby first, but I know he wants to marry me... he's a really good guy... I'm just missing him terribly!

OP posts:

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 28/04/2019 14:14

Do you live together? (please God don't say you've moved into a property that he owns solely)

Original poster

FTM05 · 28/04/2019 14:15

we live together, but I own the house! so no concerns there!

OP posts:

DonnaDarko · 28/04/2019 14:20

I don't think you're being silly. I miss my partner even when he's away for one evening!

I think you need to find things to do in the evening to keep you occupied. Maybe there's something you've always wanted to learn or do that you can now do in the evenings?

My only caution really is that with the hours he's working, don't let him slack off on doing his share of the housework!

category12 · 28/04/2019 14:23

It's early days with this work pattern, so maybe you'll get accustomed to it? How you're feeling is not silly, but it's a choice you made together for the money.

How are you going to manage with a newborn - is he taking off time after the birth? Do you have family / good friends around you?

Chamomileteaplease · 28/04/2019 14:26

Personally I would ask him to look for another job! This one allows for hardly any family time. It's too much of a price to pay.

Wouldnt' you rather have less money but have a normal relationship?

I don't see how your relationship can survive on one day a week! With a baby too .

ILoveMaxiBondi · 28/04/2019 14:28

My partner was in the forces when I had my second baby. It was very lonely. I hate to tell you but it got worse after the baby was born. Despite knowing the situation when we got together I really did resent having to do everything with the babies. And when he was on leave he had no idea about their routines or what they liked to eat/play with etc. I found it really hard.

I think as long as you keep communicating and he is stepping up and taking on the donkey work of baby care when he is home you should be ok. It is hard and lonely but Make sure you’re getting out of the house every day to see friends, family, colleagues, etc. Do you have family who can babysit for you now and again so you can get some time to yourself?

Original poster

FTM05 · 28/04/2019 14:34

he's pretty good when he's home... sometimes I will need to say to him about it, but he's not too bad at housework haha!

OP posts:

LemonTT · 28/04/2019 14:36

You are both going to have to make it work. You so much more than him. Because his isn’t there enough to be much of a partner or a father. On the parenting front he is already committed to spending time with his existing son.

That is the harsh reality of the situation and short of him leaving a good job he needs after a short time, there isn’t anything you can do about it. it is going to be very hard. You will need resilience and a good support network. Because 6/7 days he won’t be there.

Original poster

FTM05 · 28/04/2019 14:50

I'm really lucky I have such a supportive network of family around me, I also have a small amount of very good friends... I'm just concerned that this is going to become so much harder in the next few weeks with the baby coming in Sept, I know he has plans to cut his shifts down HOPEFULLY just before the baby is due.. and yes he will take time off when the baby arrives.. Thanks for the advice.

We will make it work, sometimes it just worries me and I don't want to moan to my family because I dont want them to worry.

OP posts:

Original poster

FTM05 · 28/04/2019 14:51

We will make it work, sometimes it just worries me and I don't want to moan to my family because I dont want them to worry.

OP posts:

Goodenough06 · 28/04/2019 15:33

We are a forces family and I'm just about to have my second baby. My husband currently works away and is home only 2 weekends a month, leaving me alone with a toddler the rest of the time and having to go alone to scans / midwife appointments whilst taking our toddler with me.
It's really hard and I often feel resentful, particularly when he comes home and gets to be the 'fun parent'. I feel like I'm just worn out and grumpy a lot of the time.
However, the flip side is that I am the lucky one getting to witness all these amazing milestones of our children whilst my husband is away working really hard. It's often been tough over the years but ultimately we make it work because we BOTH believe it to be worth it. Our relationship is really strong and the time we get together always feels very special and precious.
You have to keep talking to each other and setting boundaries, what you need and expect from each other. It is possible to make situations like yours work, and like you say the fact that he is working hard for a better life for you and your baby means it is worth it. It just takes lots of effort from both sides and open communication.

Wadingthroughshit · 28/04/2019 15:52

You miss your boyfriend, it's perfectly normal, it's perfectly normal to keep busy in the day with working etc. You both discussed the job at length and you were both happy to do it. You've got a support network around you and own the house you live in. It all sounds very straightforward to me. Only issue may be that he's not seeing his other child as often as because of his job. But assuming all is well on that front, I think this will all work out fine as long as you're both communicating well.

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