Abusive ex has new girlfriend and I'm devastated

[Curlysue2019]

I know I'm wrong, I know I shouldnt care but I do. Imy heartbroken. I heard through a mutual friend that he had found someone new after less than a month from us breaking up.

I instigated the breakup -I left him previously due to his treatment of me but went back. The most recent breakup before Christmas was due to his behaviour towards my DC - shouting snapping - aggressive behaviour. That was last December - had minimal contact and none since February when he returned my items from his home.

I now know he was seeing someone else - my head is all over her place - I'm crying and feel so low. I know I'm stupid I just feel awful. I just want to admit it out loud.

Need to learn to proof read before I press post

The most recent breakup before Christmas was due to his behaviour towards my DC - shouting snapping - aggressive behaviour.

That's every reason not to look back on this relationship.

You have a responsibility to protect your DC. I don't understand why someone who not only treats you badly, but more importantly your DC...is someone you would give the time of day.

Thanks for responding - sorry I'm late replying I have a terrible headache and had to lie down. I'm just concentrating on getting through an hour at a time.

Whenever you think you miss him, close your eyes and picture what he did to your children.

I think abusive relationships do leave you more bereft sometimes because the person gradually took away your own power and self esteem and self worth. It can be like you don't know who you are without them anymore.

My advice is to throw yourself into loving yourself and regaining your personal power. Do things that YOU like. Look after yourself. Lavish yourself with attention, love and affection. Remind yourself what a lovely person you are and all your lovely attributes. Start a new project that you'd never have been able to do with him around. Plan fun things to do with the kids he would have spoiled.

You have a very loving nature, clearly. YOU and your kids are the ones who deserve your love, not assholes like him who devalue you.

You may have to look into the past to find reasons why you've valued your love at such a cheap price. It's often from childhood. My own issues were because my love and feelings were devalued by my mother. But I tell you what, all of this can be overcome.

Your love is a valuable gift. Give it to YOU.

Something very similar happened to me with my ex, was verbally abusive and an alcoholic. When he finally left, I got calls from his new FWB plus I knew he had met girls online soon who were besotted, whereas I was bringing up the kids. TBH it was like a knife to the heart but I reconciled myself by thinking he just couldn't be alone, he is a weaker character, and his true colours would soon come up. Which they did time and time again. It will hurt but the feelings will pass. Plus he is someone else's baggage to sort out. Time does heal.

I think abusive relationships do leave you more bereft sometimes because the person gradually took away your own power and self esteem and self worth. It can be like you don't know who you are without them anymore.

Exactly. Separating from somebody who had such power over your mind and life is going to leave behind a crater. I had to get to know myself all over again, but it was the best thing that could have happened to me. I used to feel like an accessory to someone else, but now, for the most part, I feel solid and whole. I never could have experienced this with my abusive ex. He wouldn't have allowed it.

I'm so sorry I'm so late to reply - I've had a 2 day headache and was sent home from work today. I went straight to bed. I want to know why he did it. What does a person get out of doing that? - do they enjoy causing and watching you in pain?

Op, ok, take a step back here, because You're not being rational.

Ha not replaced you. He is simply in another relationship. That relationship will be different to the one he had with you. There is no such thing as a replacement.

You are better off without this man. He was not just abusive to you. But more importantly to your children. This is unacceptable and your role is to protect them, which you've done.

You need to take a step back and pull yourself out of where your head is going. You cannot allow this man in your life. You need to protect your kids. And you need to continue to protect them.

As such, him starting a new relationship is Irrelevant. Because he should never ever be back in your kids lives.

He never will be back in my kids lives but I'm allowed to feel upset and sad - I didn't expect things to end up this way.