Am I wrong? Trying to keep a clear head on dps words

[Stuckandsad]

A bit of back ground- we've been together 2 years, don't live together, I have a 7 yo son. He is quite open about being a bit jealous. I am 30, he is 40.

Thursday night DP picked me up after my shift at a local bar, the uniform is all black but whatever we want really. Dp has expressed quite nastily before that he doesn't like men looking at me when I'm working but I think it's in his head. I don't get approached/hassled more than an ordinary barmaid.
On Thursday I was wearing - black leggings, ankle boots, t shirt and jumper. As I got into the car he said "so you haven't tried very hard to cover yourself up then. Again." I got straight back out and walked home alone. I sent a message that he was mean and controlling and he says he hasn't been, that he was just expressing what was appropriate to wear in work.
He hasnt apologised.
He has form for this and I've told him the last time that speaking to me with contempt over my looks isn't something I will put up with. He is trying to be sweet now, dropping sweets off at my work and saying that we 'just have terrible communication'.

I'm not mad am I? This is unacceptable isn't it?
I have 3 brothers and I cannot imagine them ever speaking to their wives like this. I left my exh for the same sort of reasons (being disrespectful and cruel- it grew over time)
The same for my son. I would hit the roof!
I'm not even a person that dresses in a revealing way. Not that I have a problem with other people doing it.
I feel like I need to break up with him, even though he is fun and kind 90 percent of the time

Thankyou. I'm going to be re-reading your comments all day. I'll call him later once ds is tucked up and finish things. It's sad but I know I'll be fine after a little bit.

If you feel sad, remind yourself that he is not the nice person you thought he was. His true colours are ugly. You will have a far, far better future without him.

Don't let him sweet talk you into staying with you.

It's not OK for him to speak to you like that or make negative comments about what you wear, and you know that. Well done for standing up to him. You know that dumping him is the right thing to do, be strong.

I wouldn't call him. He'll either be nasty or try to tell you you're wrong.

Is this the kind of role model you want for your son????

Men like this can't be cured.

This won't get any better, in fact it will get worse.

I'm so glad you're getting away from him.

Sorry this didn't work out but you'll meet someone else.

If your bar has security staff, chat to them about the split and how the ex accused you of dressing inappropriately - by covering your entire body. They can then make sure that any more little visits with sweeties or flowers or 'for a chat' or 'to make sure you get home safely' are knocked on the head immediately.

The manager can also, if you explain to them, bar him. They hate creepy, controlling boyfriends or exes, as they turn up 'I'm a customer' and then proceed to hover at the bar all fucking night and make snidey comments to any customer they think might be looking.

I know I had it when dating an utter prick and working in a bar. When we split up (inevitably), he tried to be 'a customer', tried to pick me up, etc, etc. I found he lost interest when the six foot seven bouncer politely suggested that he chose a different drinking establishment from then on and that even being in the car park was enough to make any bouncer 'a little annoyed you haven't listened'.

OK, this then followed a lot of 'She was cheating on me with a bouncer', but by then I didn't give a shit anymore.

Well done op for seeing this for what it is. No you're not mad. No you don't have terrible communication. He is, as others have said, a controlling arse. Dump, block, move on. And congratulate yourself of not having wasted any more time on him.

At least you're not living together.

Please don't get sweet-talked into giving him another chance or convinced somehow this is a sign of how much he loves you - it isn't, it's control, pure and simple, and would get far worse.

I think Hollow is right. Don't contact him.

He's telling you exactly what he thinks of women and how he reacts when he sees a woman not dressed like a nun - that he's incapable of not let ching after them. He's vile and controlling.

Well done Stuckandsad for your prompt reaction. Life with this man would be on tenterhooks wondering where the next barb was coming from. Just make sure you have a safe way home especially if you work late shifts.

Just checking: does he have a key to your home? If so do get the locks changed ASAP and let any key holders know he's not to have access to your home. Also let your family know. Tell your son the two of you are not friends any more and that he is no longer going to be visiting you (I'm assuming he does). Good luck OP. 🌹

Interesting mitzik that's exactly what has happened the last two nights. He wanted to 'make sure I got home safe'. Don't worry though I'm not buying it. He didn't give a fuck if I was home safe on Thursday when he sped off.
I'm really not backing down this time. I will call him and lay it out expressly that it is over. I think if I ghosted him then he would see it as me sulking and continuing to pressure me.
My son isn't attached to him really so I am relieved on that front, hes joined us for a few days out and come for tea but has in no way been put forward as a step father figure. Just a friend. Ds has a very good relationship with his dad and uncles so wasnt missing Male company iyswim. Glad I took things so slowly.
I will explain that he was unkind at the right time.

Well done op!

You are right to be ending this relationship.

You've only been together for two years and don't live together, yet he thinks he has the right to control your life to quite a high degree.
Imagine how it would be if you did live together, and what he might do to you to enforce his control.