Ending my 20 year relationship tomorrow.

[NickyNora]

We seperated last September & he came home in December but i knew he shouldn't have.

He begged me to let him come home.
I was struggling to cope with the dc.
I hoped somehow we could find a way forward...

The issue is i don't love him anymore. I loved him & adored him so much but he had never supported me. He's emotionally detached. Will barely acknowledged I'm talking. Zero communication skills.
We have nothing in common. There's literally not one positive left in our relationship.

Yet tells me he loves me but actions speak louder then words.

I feel guilty. I feel responsible for him. I could almost drift on like this indefinitely to avoid the pain & confrontation again.

The realisation that this is the rest of my life unless i do something has hit me really hard & i feel almost like I've 'woken up' , seen my relationship & situation for what it is. Miserable, hopeless & soulless.

So tomorrow night i will ask him to leave again.

How long is a reasonable time to expect him to leave?

We live in my council house. He's not on the tenancy. 4 dc ranging from 5-18. 2 middle dc have ASD & ADHD so life is tricky at times.

Any help or advice appreciated. What do i need to think of?

Last time i concentrated on just getting him to leave & not on how i was going to cope.

I have things in place to help with the dc this time.

I have money saved up

I have looked in U.C.

I have no family or support locally. I use Carers etc for the dc.

What else do i need to put in place?
What do you wish you'd known or done.

Can i do this...?

TIA.

Why are there no paragraphs ffs?!

Paragraphs are there.

I felt very similar when wanting to tell STBEXH I wanted to split. I felt very responsible for his happiness. But that isnt a reason for you to stay unhappy. I didn't live him anymore either.

A few months down the line, and I've got over that feeling. Ultimately how he feels and his life is not my responsibility.

Apply for UC now. Even if you still live together, if you've split you can still claim it so go ahead.

Sounds like you know what you want and have got things sorted. I just felt relieved when I finally said it and haven't regretted it at all. Now I'm just looking forward to the future instead. Good luck.

Thankyou.

I know what i need to do, it's just doing it...

All the very best. We're here.

Thankyou.

I told him this morning.

My anxiety is literally through the roof. I feel like my heart is beating so loud others can hear it.

I know its the right thing to do but actually getting through this is incredibly difficult.