hi my name is Sue and i am new here ...i was in a relationship for 22 years and have 2 wonderful boys from it (12 & 21 years old) we have had a turbulent relationship from the word go, he would leave me and come back on and off throughout our relationship, he was a mental abuser and a mind game player, i put it down to the drinking he used to do ...he totally stopped drinking a few years ago and to be honest he still never changed that much, he was devious, lied, stole from me and may have cheated (but i never had any actual evidence) ...he joined dating sites while he was with me and he loved his porn sites, so all trust i had for him went out of the window, then i decided to go on a couple of dating sites and thats how i found him on them, then came the accusing of me chatting up men ect...anyway the reason we broke up this time around was because i found out that he was trying to trace an ex he had years before i came along behind my back just so he could apologise to her for the way he treated her before he died ...well that was his excuse anyway ...i seen red and dumped him 2 weeks ago over whatsapp after a few choice words from me he decided to block me so i couldnt msg him anymore, he does keep in contact with his two boys, now i am broken, you see through all this crap i still loved him and still do and i dont understand why i am crying and hurting so much, i feel broken hearted and dont know what to do ....thanks for reading my long winded post and hope you can give me some help ...thank you