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Relationships

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Original poster

Too soon to consider moving abroad for love?

21 replies

KatDubs261 · 27/04/2019 16:28

Long story short: we met 7 months ago. I was seeing a guy for a few months when, after a drink-fuelled argument at Christmas, we broke it off. He was planning to move abroad, wasn't sure if he wanted an LDR - that upset me as I felt he wasn't committed and his ambiguity was upsetting. So we broke up.

But since Dec we kept meeting up as friends and I suppose the connection deepened. Finally I was regretting the whole thing and felt he was too. So I told him how I feel, that I don't want to just be friends - and he said he feels the same, that he wants to develop the relationship and see where it takes us.

Since we got back together in the last few weeks I feel a big shift. I feel he truly loves me and I am crazy about him. The problem is he is moving abroad with his job which was always in the works before we met - yesterday I reiterated I would visit and now he has asked me to consider moving there with him. He's also asked to Skype a number of times a week until we can visit each other again.

It would be a big deal to a move to a country and have to learn the language and the stress of citizenship etc. On the other hand, I hate the idea of being separated from him and I am probably more moveable at the moment. What do you think? My heart was breaking saying goodbye to him today but I don't want to do anything that is wrong for me either.

OP posts:

Whichwayfoward · 27/04/2019 16:32

I'd sit with the situation for a bit. It's natural to feel sad, that may be the pull you feel. How far away has he moved?

JK1773 · 27/04/2019 16:32

What ties have you got at home? Job? Kids?

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 27/04/2019 16:34

I would certainly have a visit, before I made a decision to live there.

Original poster

KatDubs261 · 27/04/2019 16:34

I don't have any ties. No kids & my job contract ends in 2 months. Other plans I had for the next year have unexpectedly been derailed & therefore will have to wait another year.

I do feel sad, but I love him too. I feel a terrible emptiness knowing he isn't here anymore. I agree I'll need to sit with it.

OP posts:

AttilaTheMeerkat · 27/04/2019 16:37

What ties do you have in terms of work, children etc?.

Which country or continent is he moving to?. If you were to move there with him what are your rights re employment, as a woman and healthcare to name but three of many factors seeing as you are not a citizen of that country. Is he himself a citizen of this country?.

I would not move country in such circumstances but stick to visiting and skype calls.

PickAChew · 27/04/2019 16:39

You don't have drink fuelled arguments if there isn't something amiss with your relationship.

Maybe visit but do not move over there. You barely know each other.

AdoreTheBeach · 27/04/2019 16:40

Your in somewhat my position of 31 years ago. Met a lovely Brit living in nyc. A year of dating, he decided to go back to uk and didn’t believe in long distance relationships (this is before internet). We broke up. I travelled to Europe with a friend to go inter railing, met up and started back up again - for two years visiting each other, expensive phone calls and loads of letters. I finally told him to shit or get off the pot. We had to do something more concrete, he moves back to USA or me to UK but I wouldn’t do that unless married. Happily married for 28 years now.

Whichwayfoward · 27/04/2019 16:40

Are we talking UK/Ireland (or similar) or UK/Iran (or similar)

MrsChollySawcutt · 27/04/2019 16:41

Doe sit have to be so all or nothing? You are not star crossed lovers you are adults with options. Keep Skyping, do a few short visits and then perhaps a lengthy stay and reassess your feelings in six months time.

Original poster

KatDubs261 · 27/04/2019 16:47

I am from the UK, he is from Spain, which is where I am living now. He is moving to Germany (about 2 1/2 hrs by plane).

The argument wasn't angry or shouty - more of a disagreement as I felt he was non-committal. I think back in November he liked me, but was on the fence about making any big decisions for a woman he just met. Now 5 months later he has fallen in love with me and that's what is different.

I was previously in an LDR where the guy left me for someone more local. I think it is quite important to be physically close to the person you are with as much as possible. I do worry about him meeting someone else.

OP posts:

Lottie35 · 27/04/2019 17:28

No don't do it, it sounds ridiculous if you're having drunken fulled arguments

Original poster

KatDubs261 · 27/04/2019 17:34

It was one time 5 months ago. It wasn't even really an argument, I used the wrong language. He basically said he wasn't sure if he wanted to do LDR, I took that as ambiguity and angrily called it off. In retrospect that was the wrong decision, which I feel we've now rectified. Now he's the one that is keen to do an LDR and also suggesting I move there.

No arguing since...

OP posts:

Ces6 · 27/04/2019 17:34

I hate to bring up Brexit but if you have residency in Spain, this probably isn't the right moment to move elsewhere.

Original poster

KatDubs261 · 27/04/2019 17:36

That has crossed my mind Ces6. I do have residency here.

But I also like to think of myself as the kind of person that would give love a shot. I think it's hard to do that LDR?

OP posts:

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 27/04/2019 17:39

BAD, BAD idea to move there. Skype and visit and see how it goes from there, for a LONG time.

SihtricsHorseWitnere · 27/04/2019 17:40

It's a 2.5 hour flight away, not Australia, FGS.

Thingsdogetbetter · 27/04/2019 17:43

Personally I'd go for it. You've no ties where you are. If it doesn't work out so what? Do a bit of job hunting research. Research where he's moving to. Treat it as another adventure not a life long commitment. Start learning German. And do it before Brexit cocks everything up!

Ikeameatballs · 27/04/2019 17:47

I’d go for it! Why not is the question? You are not tied by kids/job so go with it when your contract ends.

If it doesn’t work out I can’t see what you’ll really have lost? I really think the phrase life is for living applies here!

Whichwayfoward · 27/04/2019 17:56

People focusing on one argument FFS.

llangennith · 27/04/2019 19:40

Do it. You're young free and single so give it a go. If it doesn't work out you can go home.

Original poster

KatDubs261 · 27/04/2019 19:53

I suppose I feel I am less young than him - I am 27, he is 24. Might not matter...just that he might want to settle down later than me. Not at that stage yet. I just know that I love him and he loves me...and moving there would give us a chance to see how things unfold.

Home isn't far. I did a German learning app with him today and got almost everything correct (even though I haven't studied it since I was 11!).

I told him I'd like to visit him first and then we can revisit me looking at moving there. Think that makes sense?

OP posts:

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