Daughter wants to move schools

[Frockandahardplace]

I’m looking for some advice to help my DD8. Dd goes to a small village primary school with approx 15 in her class. 7 of these are girls including DD. She has always found it hard to make friends but over the last year became friendly with another 2 girls and everything seemed fine. Since just before Christmas, DD says the girls are bullying her. It’s very subtle, things like pulling faces, whispering to each other whilst looking in DDs direction and laughing, jumping in and taking her seat when she’s been about to sit down. I’ve spoken to her teacher several times and to be fair, I feel she’s taken it seriously and has taken action but it’s still continuing. Now DD doesn’t want to go to school, is upset every morning and evening and is asking if we can just move so she can go somewhere else. I’m going back to speak to the teacher again next week but I’m not sure what else she can do to fix this. Has anyone experienced this and have any advice on what I should be asking the teacher for?

Unfortunately the way the girls are behaving is fairly typical of the way girls bully. And with only 7 girls being the option for friends, it will be very hard for the dynamic to change.

Are you against changing schools? A school with more children will provide her with more of an option of play mates.

My son is about to enter a similar situation and a family friend has just removed his 2 ds’ due to a similar situation with his eldest. They are very happy at the new school.

Do you know what action the teacher has taken? Has the teacher spoken with the parents of the children involved? Are there consequences for the bullying? Has the teacher done classes about bullying, emotional impact and team building?
It wouldn't be my first choice to change schools if it can be sorted, but if you feel the school is not going to sort it out it's a big ask to have your DD send into a hostile environment every day so I would consider it.

My son was being bullied in school. It’s terrible and I wouldn’t wish it on everyone but at the same time it ended up transforming his life in a positive way. I sent him to therapy to get the skills he needed to make subtle changes in his body language and language which in turn resulted in him feeling and acting more confident. One year later the bully and him ended up inviting him to his birthday party. My son today now has a wide group of friends and is thankfully very happy.
She needs to be given language and advice by what to do and say in different situations - these skills she will keep with her for life.
One of the best things I did when my son was being bullied was to make friends for him outside of school. Meant it didn’t mean his whole world was falling down when he had problems at school. It also made him feel more confident and happy.
I tell my children if they seem down before the school day that a smile is a gift - that they feel happy and accepted when other people smile at them and isn’t it nice to be able to do this for other people. I started this practise when I realised my son was going to school sad looking - it was making him more vulnerable to bullies.

ittakes2 that is some of the best advice I've read on here. I'm happy for your ds and can I say you sound fab.

In such a small school there is limited options for friends. If she is asking to be moved I would move her.
Take her with you for a visit around some other schools so she can see what to expect.

I have been in your situation Frockandahardplace and regret the way it was handled.

My advice would be to move schools now when she still has the confidence to start afresh and get her the counselling etc that ittakes2 suggests to prevent future issues.

it's a very hard place to be as a parent.

We went through this with our DD and in the end the only thing we could do was move her. The school was useless and not really wanting to hear. She is a lot lot happier now. In all honesty the best thing you can do is move her, with such small group even if the school stops it she will most likely end up being ignored and just as miserable. You also have to consider what damage her staying there will do to her mental health, confidence and so on. For her sake please move her.