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Original poster

Falling in love with a married woman

12 replies

AnonMan · 26/04/2019 23:50

I've been working with this women for 2 years, we work closely together and have become very close friends - and she is happily married. However, I'm falling in love with her and I can't control it. It takes every ounce of me not to flirt with her at work because I don't want to make our friendship awkward.

We've got to know each other very well and even after 2 years I discover new things about her which make me fall harder. She really is the most incredible woman I've ever met. What makes it worse is that I know her husband well too and he's a good man - he accepts that her and I are close and he trusts me. I would never try anything with a married woman anyway, that's a line I would never cross.

I know I have to accept that nothing will come of this; there are no signals that she even remotely has romantic feelings towards me. I know telling her the truth could ruin everything but it really is a struggle to keep this bottled up. She often tells me how much I mean to her and thinks of me as her best friend - she certainly is mine - but I really don't want to destroy that.

Do I pluck up the courage to tell her the truth and risk everything, or begin to distance myself and hope I get over it eventually?

OP posts:
TooManyPuppies · 26/04/2019 23:54

No. Leave it alone. Nothing good can come from telling her. I think even allowing yourself to get this far in is pretty dodgy given you know her situation.

All you would be hoping for by telling her is that she would admit her undying love for you, blow up her family and live happily ever after with you. It isn't going to happen. You'll make a fool of yourself and lose a friend if she doesn't feel the same way or you'll ruin a family out of selfishness.

Don't be that asshole. Leave it be and get on with life or disappear from hers if you have no self control.

TheBulb · 26/04/2019 23:55

Of course you don’t tell her. That would be criminally selfish. She’s not available and has never suggested she has inappropriate feelings for you. Your crush will fade. They all do. If you’re lucky, the friendship will outlast it.

toycar · 26/04/2019 23:57

don't risk everything. honestly. what do you want to achieve by telling her? split her and her DH? No, the feelings will subside! Come on!

SpoonBlender · 27/04/2019 00:01

If you tell her and she's receptive, you've helped fuck up a relationship with kids and you'll be with someone who'll happily leave their partner.

If you tell her and she's not interested, she'll almost certainly have nothing more to do with you.

If you don't tell her, it'll probably take six months or a year until your rush of lust ebbs away, and you can be friends if you don't fuck up.

One of these has a reasonable outcome, the other two are shit. Choose.

SpoonBlender · 27/04/2019 00:01

Not sure where I got the "with kids" from, but argument stands.

Original poster
AnonMan · 27/04/2019 00:05

Message received.

I'll back off.

OP posts:
LordWheresMyShoes · 27/04/2019 00:06

You CAN control it. Absolutely. Direct your attention away from how "perfect" she is. Stop yourself whenever you find yourself fantasising about her and think of something else. Picture her having a huge smelly dump and leaving skid marks. Cease all behaviour that makes you focus on your feelings of being in love with her. And go forth and date, there are wonderful single women out there who ARE available and worthy of your love and dedication xxx

Floydian · 27/04/2019 08:11

Lord - spot on. Smile

DoctorManhattan · 27/04/2019 10:00

There is a popular meme/photo of an incredibly attractive, almost physically perfect model looking extremely sultry posing in a swimsuit - with the tagline “Someone somewhere is sick of her shit”

What I mean by that is that we often put people we fancy on pedestals, focusing hugely on the positives and usually completely ignoring the negatives. And whilst I have no doubt she is a great person as you describe, she’s still just human and the reality of life with her may be very good, but not this magical and idyllic fantasy you have concocted in your head.

We are all capable of diverting our attentions elsewhere. She’s off limits and hasn’t expressed any romantic desire toward you so you are wasting your own time and energy here, try some dating and mingling with other females in other environments and you will see she’s not the only great woman out there - there’s even some single ones too.

Langrish · 27/04/2019 10:03

She’s not available for (or the least interested in) romantic involvement. Don’t put this on her. Extremely selfish, you do realise you probably won’t be able to continue working together if you do?

Orange6904 · 27/04/2019 10:36

'I can't control it' er, yes you can, you're not a teenager.

Amibeingnaive · 28/04/2019 03:09

What's your situation OP?

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