(D)F is incredibly abusive to my DM- verbally and emotionally.
He has always had a nasty streak and thinks nothing of making belittling or judgy comments but has got a lot worse in the last few years.
DF runs his own business, and DM and DBro also work there. DF is so abusive to DM that she has walked out of work several times, and all of the staff (including DBro) are very sympathetic to her and don't understand why she stays. He's just as nasty to the other people that work there and so many have left. It's a wonder he's not been taken to a tribunal if I'm honest. It's having a massive impact on the business as they've lost lots of customers and DF insists on doing everything his way (old-school business) so they have no marketing, and he isn't really interested in the financial side - DM upped some prices as they has been making a loss, but was shouted at by DF for 'trying to take over'. However, he has no interest in doing the calculations himself, and would have just sold everything at a loss. DBro and DM now often work together on stuff like this on the sly so that the business can keep afloat. It's agreed by everyone (except DF) that if it wasn't for them the business would have gone under a long time ago.
She is at the end of her tether and can't cope with his nastiness anymore, and is talking about leaving work and telling DF he will have to find someone else to do her job - she's nearing retirement age anyway. DF is way past retirement age but his life revolves around the business and we think that he genuinely doesn't realise that DM doesn't want to carry on working.
Obviously it would have massive implications for DM if she left - they're still married and live together, even if they don't really talk or spend time together outside of work. DBro also wants to leave work, but they both feel guilty for the rest of the employees as they know that the business will not survive. DM has looked at her finances and cannot really afford to leave before retirement, which is a few years away.
DBro and I would both like DM to leave DF completely - she's so desperately unhappy and downtrodden by his constant putdowns and shouting and abuse. But I live the other side of the country and have a 4 month old, so cannot offer much practically.
Can anyone advise what I can do to help my DM leave? She wants to, but doesn't know where to start, and it's made more complicated by working for him (although legally she is also a partner in the business, not that DF would ever admit it). She says that financially she can't leave him, but surely there must be a way? She also feels guilty that the others would be out of a job soon, and as kind as that is, I don't think it's worth her mental health to stay there - they'll be able to find new jobs, whereas her health is irreplaceable.