Sexual Abuse

[VodkaisthenewWine]

I was sexually abused by my biological father for years. What started as touching turned into actual sexual contact. I am 63 years' old and retired 1 1/2 years' ago. Now that I am spending most days by myself because my husband works, I find myself getting more and more depressed because the thoughts of my childhood won't go away. I have never told my husband and only recently told two of my brothers. They both agree that I need to tell my husband. We have a great relationship, have been married for 33 years and he is my rock! I am so afraid that he won't look at me the same way. I am afraid that anytime we are intimate, he will be thinking about what my father did to me. Has anyone experienced this situation? I feel I really need to tell him but will I be doing more harm than good? I feel it will be good for me but I don't want to hurt him. The abuser died in 1998. But I still suffer from the trauma - low self esteem, shame, and torment. Please help! I did attend therapy several years' ago but it didn't help. I feel like I am keeping a huge secret from my husband. At the same time, I feel that if I tell him, it will be a huge weight off my shoulders. What should I do????

My first thought is that I would hate to think someone I loved had chosen not to tell me out of consideration for my feelings, especially if they felt it would help them to tell me. You know your DH best, do you think he would feel the same?

Please talk to your husband. You love him, he loves you. Why wouldn't he want to help you?

You may find that, once you tell him, it gives him an insight into things about you that may have puzzled him. A piece of the jigsaw of you that's been missing.

I understand entirely how you feel. I wasn't abused as a child but I was raped as a very young woman. Even though I know it was in no way my fault I've only told a very few people in real life, because I hate the idea of seeming a victim. As an adult I've been very confident sexually. I don't want to share a time when I was scared, alone and ashamed.

Only you can decide, but your brothers know your DH and surely they wouldn't advise you to tell him if they thought he'd react badly?

Only tell your husband if you WANT to tell him.
Not because your brothers say you should.

Do you want to tell him?

Your trauma is not something you are obliged to share with everyone close to you as a badge of trust, if you don't actually want you

Do YOU want to tell?