Emotionally Unavailable

[ikkledudette]

How do you know if someone you're dating is emtionally unavailable?

I wouldnt know... because i dont know what "being emotionally unavailable" actually means.

Surely they wouldnt be dating if theyre emotionally unavailable. What signs are you getting to think that?

This might help you, OP:

www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/toxic-relationships/201803/10-signs-emotionally-unavailable-partner

www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/?s=emotionally%20unavailable

Do you have any behaviours you would like to share with us, so we can get an idea of what you're dealing with?

Here's the thing, if you like someone and spend enough time with them a NORMAL person forms emotions and a NORMAL person therefore wants to be in a relationship with the person they have these feelings for. So if you are dating someone a while and they are not giving you a clear indication of what they want from you or that they want to commit to you, that is a clear sign that they are 'emotionally unavailable' (aka: empty inside)

Some of them you can spot early as they say things like 'I don't know what I want right now', straight of the bat ('right mate, well why are you wasting my time on this date then?').

Other examples of potential behaviour - never knowing where you stand with them, they promise you things and don't follow through, their actions don't match their words, they cancel things or -rearrange your dates at the last minute (with crap excuses). They may be glued to their phone, texting people at all hours. They may be very attentive in person but when they aren't around you, it is like they have vanished off the face of the earth. They tell you they don't have social media, but you find out they do. You may never meet their friends or they may never meet yours. They may also not want to go places with you (only stay in)

Always be aware of the signs dating a narcissist (or other personality disorder) too as these sorts often don't like to commit (and when they do you'll wish they hadn't xD).

I've found it's where they're not as into you as you'd expect at that point in the relationship. A bit more detached.

TeaForTheWin’s list is very good. Some other things I’ve heard from unemotionally unavailable men include:

“I can’t give you what you want.”
“You deserve much better than me.”
“Can’t we just have fun and see where it goes? Why do we have to put a label on it?” (this after several months of dating)

Obviously these are aren’t definitive in themselves, but I’ve found them to be quite telling.

I think that, sometimes, emotionally unavailable can be far less insidious and calculated than is being presented here.

Sometimes a person just hasn't fully moved on from a previous relationsip, but hasn't necessarily realised it. Or there's a trauma in their past that is impacting on them.

I've previously been very emotionally unavailable. I wouldn't have said I was ever aware of it though.

I think blowing hot and cold is a clear sign

It really depends.

I have been called emotionally unavailable. Because, I dont overinvest in short relationships. The man who said this, thought that all women fell immediately in love with a man who was nice to them. I didnt really respond to his love bombing and told he him to take it slower.

I was in an abusive marriage. So I have 'walls' and dont let emotion take over too soon. I certainly wouldn't get into a position where I loved someone so much, I thought I couldnt live without them again.

I have a ltr now. Dp is great, I love him. I can also live without him. I am with him because I choose to be with him everyday. I dont feel I need to be with him. He gets that.

Sorry, my point was that its different all the time.

Depends on the people involved. One persons emotionally unavailable is another's taking it slow.