Hi there, I’m not really sure what I’m looking for from this post. Maybe just reassurance how I’m approaching it is OK or someone else to share their experiences.
Almost a year ago my dad (age 63) said he was going out with someone. I was pleased for him as he hasn’t had a relationship in around 15 years. He told me, fairly casually, she was 29. 3 years younger than I am. Since that day (and I hope this doesn’t sound too dramatic) I just feel sick to my stomach. I was in such shock when he said it I just froze and let him give more details on where they met (work), where she was from etc. Around Xmas he told me they were not together anymore as she had said she one day wanted her own children and he had decided he did not want to have more children. Hearing that was such a bloody relief. I just couldn’t digest having a baby half-sibling whose mum was younger than me. However the last time I went to visit my dad I saw women’s toiletries and bits you would have if you went to stay over somewhere (not out in plain sight – tucked away slightly, but I saw them). He mentions her name a lot – even after he said they were no longer together – in a way we all do when we’ve fallen for someone. I feel awful but I just never ask anything about her as I just really don’t want to imagine for one second him having that type of relationship with someone of her age. I think he picks it up, we’ve never explicitly had a conversation where it’s come up this makes me feel extremely uncomfortable, but we probably don’t have to, it must be obvious. It’s getting to a point now where I genuinely feel like I need to speak to a professional about how I’m feeling, I haven’t spoken to any friends as I’m so embarrassed (and I have really close friends). Plus deep down if this does come to an end between them I’d rather nobody ever knew. A skin condition I have that flares up when stressed is constantly bad, I'm not sleeping as this is on my mind, there's been times I just burst into tears as it disturbs me so much.
I know it happens, there’s plenty of male celebrities out there on their 5th marriage or so having kids way into their 70s with 30 year olds but..when its happening in your family it obviously feels different. I think I could handle it even if there were a 25 year gap and she were almost 40, this just feels so wrong. He’s shown me a picture of her. She looks like she could be one of my friend’s younger sisters.
Ultimately I know its his life, he's an adult and deserves to be happy doing whatever he wants. Its just that its been almost a year now and if anything I'm getting more anxious at the thought, rather than it 'sinking in' as these things often do once time goes on.
Any advice gratefully received.